How do you do THIS part...

[swoop]

Suckerpunch

I will admit, it is still hard for me, not to focus on W and why she is making the choices that she is.

It takes time to work through all of this. So be gentle on yourself – for now.

I am trying to be gentle on myself. I am trying to continually move forward. It's still so difficult for me, even over a year later. I am getting there, but my healing just seems to be moving REALLY slow. I wish I could hit fast forward, just for a little while...haha

I don't even know what I want for my life.

Instead of focusing on the scary part of this journey…..focus on the positives. You can define YOUR life. It can be what YOU want it to BE! So take the energy you are using thinking about your ex and apply it to figure out what YOUR dreams are. Start small…. what emotional goals do you have for you, how do you want your R with the kids to be like, do you want to travel, what about work…have you ever wanted to do something else, hobbies….what have you always wanted to do?

My relationship with my D7 is excellent. I can be happy that this divorce has brought me even closer to her. I guess that is a positive I can focus on. I have never really had a desire to travel. I am very happy in my area, and don't have an overwhelming need to see other places. Don't get me wrong, I still like to vacation, but for the most part I am happy being a homebody. I love my work. I cant see changing anything there. I have a few hobbies that I enjoy. I would like to get back into others, but financially that is not an option. Being a single parent and homeowner makes time somewhat difficult to manage as well. For the most part, the only thing I am REALLY missing in my life is companionship, someone to spend time with, share with, be intimate with. You know, a wife

This time it will have to be different, parenting plans, dealing with exes, co-parenting and still trying to establish a happy loving relationship of my own.

Different is NOT right nor is it wrong…it is DIFFERENT. YOU are not a failure, nor are you less of who you were. On the contrary, you can be stronger and you can be better BECAUSE things are DIFFERENT.

I agree. I don't feel so much like a personal failure. I know I am a good person, that I tried my best to save my marriage. I tried to fix and improve my marriage for my daughters sake, for my families sake. I tried. One person can't make that happen, and that is unfortunate. I guess what I am experiencing is more of a feeling that others might view me as a failure or a weak man because I couldn't hold my marriage together, that my wife left me. I know those feelings are not right, but they are still in my head and it's hard to evict them.

Wife is becoming more angry, as the divorce ramps up.

Par for the course – allow her to live her choices. Ignore her anger and let the L’s deal with it.

I am trying my best to do so. It is difficult, because I know some of the decisions she is making will probably end up haunting her, haunting my daughter. That is very hard for me to detach from.

She was just given notice to vacate our apartment, by my siblings. This was on recommendation of my attorney.

Listen to your attny..but also remember your attny works for YOU.

That is true. I decided against my attorneys advice to allow her to reside in our apartment for well over a year. She has been living with OM for over 6 months now, yet she still feels entitled to maintain HER APARTMENT. It is time she moves on.

It isn't something that anyone can be proud of. I do feel like a failure in some regards, but I hope I can continue to grow from it.

Raise your right hand…..come a little closer to the screen……closer……..closer….LOL…no seriously, look in the mirror and say to yourself – I am not a FAILURE! I am not a FAILURE! You can be proud that you stood for what you believed in, you can be proud that you are an active parent in your kids life. You are not a failure!

Peace,
Eric

Thanks, Eric. I am going to write that down and continue telling myself that. I need to figure out a way to hold my head up high through this whole process. I am having a really tough time coming to closure. It all seems so wrong to me, that my brain can't tell me that it is truly over. How do you make that change? I want it to change. I honestly do. I want to get back to my old self and find happiness. I feel like I am just spinning my wheels through life right now.