Hi Everyone! I have been away from the board for a few days. Life has just been busy.
I need to do a little journaling to process some emotions that I have been feeling so that I can get them out, not let resentment build up and move forward.
Before I get into my feelings, I want to let everyone know that I am completely aware that my kids need and deserve lots of time with my H. I completely get it and will not stand in the way of what my kids need/deserve. I am focusing solely on myself and H.
During the past few weeks, my H has dangled the threat of 50/50 custody twice in a situation when he did not get his way and/or was hurt about something. It bothers me so much that he uses this as leverage especially if you consider the past two/three years.
Despite the fact that we both work full time jobs, I have been the primary caretaker of our kids. I buy their clothes, foods, toys...everything. I schedule activities, doctors appointments, school assignments, presents for teachers/birthday parties. I did ALL nighttime feedings/diaper changes for all three kids. I am the one who got up in the middle of the night if someone was crying (my H claims that the kids woke him up which to him equals helping dispute the fact that he never moves).
When we were together, my H and I each had our things that we were good at. I did not mind taking care of the kids because I love it more than I can express. I can honestly say that at the time I did not keep a scorecard about who did more.
Two years ago, however, everything changed when my H stopped doing everything family/house related to focus on his work. And I took on everything. The hardest part for me was not the actual tasks that I took on, but the fact that my H was not there for me or the kids. While my H did make it to S5's baseball games and to school conferences, that was it. We did nothing else as a family. If H was around, he sat in our basement on his phone/computer. Each night at bedtime, he would sit downstairs while I struggled to get the two older kids to bed while nursing my youngest guy. I was truly a single mom for the past two years.
My H has made A LOT of changes regarding his parenting of our kids. I have told him on several occasions that I am really proud of him. My H spends a lot more quality time with the kids.
However, our parenting is still not anywhere close to 50/50. And I guess that is the hardest thing for me to process. My H has no problem threatening 50/50 custody, yet he still does not take on 50% of the parenting responsibility.
My H has made several comments that hurt so much to hear: "The novelty of being a parent ran out after S5 turned one." "I post pictures of the kids on FB because it helps my business."
It is so crazy that my H can demand and get 50/50 custody when he checked out and has not been a parent for the past two/three years. I honestly do not even know if he really would want 50/50 custody. He would not be able to maintain his business at its current level if he had 50/50. What if he demands 50/50 custody and realizes that it is a LOT of work? Will he just check out again and take back that promise too?
I know that my kids need their father and I want them to have a good R with him. There are some days that I am just heartbroken over the fact that my H can make a unilateral decision that will affect my life and my R with the kids.
I know that this is long, but I just needed to get out my anger and frustration. I dont want to bottle it up and get me stuck.
