There's another dead bishop on the landing...

[LoisB]

Thanks guys. Wow. A lot of really good ideas and advice and support. I really appreciate it.

Job made a really good point a while back. She said that life isn't going to "instantly" become easy or more convenient just because my spouse left me. Life happens. Cars break down before vacations, a barn roof gets a leak, bills have a tendency to "show up" at the worst time... such is life. I need to learn how to take better care of myself and maintain my PMA.

I'm better than I was, but not there yet!!

I tend to allow life to deplete me and, THEN, I rally or fall into a lump. I think the key, here, is to catch myself and regroup, BEFORE, I feel so depleted.

One therapist told me years ago, "Heather, you are a good little soldier. You have spent your life being a good little soldier." She was so right. I have been surrounded with damaged people who took out their pain on others. I have lived to clean up their messes. I need some fun. Not crazy, leave my D11 kinda fun. But, safe, get to know more people, widen my horizons, travel more and live my life kinda fun.

The above is the key for Heather. I grew up with an insanely perfectionist father. I used to create these long lists of character flaws I was going to "fix." I did this from the time I could write. I have lists from when I was 10 years old where I am describing this new "regime" where I am going to get fit and smart and read and journal daily. It's very sad.

I, then, married a hyper-critical man who judged everything in a very negative, sarcastic way.

"Fun" has never been something that comes easily to me. Life has always been a struggle. That's the belief I was raised with. Life is hard and you need to just muddle through.

I'm not sure where I'm going with all this. I kinda forget the point I was trying to make.