separated on a walk II

[artsy]

Whoa, Paul. Sorry your W did so much damage the kids could see. That would be the most difficult to overcome. It's a betrayal of sorts. You'll get through it, and your kids will see the correct way to treat people through you. You're doing what needs to be done. Wish there was a fast-forward button...

[paul19510]

thanks Artsy. long day...W and I exchanged emails and texts about the kids and specifically about why D16 has been so upset about the venting that happened from W. I asked W to stop doing that and told her that it hurt and confused the kids. Still my D16 us upset and rightfully so. In my naïve belief that I could get my W to see that venting hurt them, I betrayed my D16 by telling W she was upset about it. she confided in me about the trouble and I let her down. Having a very hard time with this. I really need to stay away from W and keep all convo's to business only.

Otherwise I just make a mess of things and people get hurt.

[bluesgal]

Paul

Your heart was in the right place. Sometimes when we try to fix things, we get tangled in the mess. I've learned this the hard way...a lot.

I am so glad that you get to be an example to your kids of a strong and loving parent. I know you'll continue to be their rock. I am sorry that your w has caused so much hurt. She must have so much pain inside to do those things.

I hope you continue to take care of yourself and those great kids

[paul19510]

Thanks blue. I failed my D16. She told me something about being hurt and he's I tried to stop it but in doing that I hurt her by repeating what she said. w should never have vented to my kids....but D16 felt safe to tell me. I feel awful. I hooe my d will forgive me and still trust me. But I have a road to travel.

[paul19510]

Slept on d16 floor. We talked and she's ok. She's a good kid.

[paul19510]

update: W continues to text and try to call D16. I stepped out of it. I make it messy when I get in it. I told D16 its her Relationship to work with W.

Interesting that W acts almost like a 'jilted lover'. not sure how else to put that. She is pursuing daughter. I just can't see if it will be more harmful or helpful.

The more I see, the less I like. Very unhealthy.

[melissag]

Paul, I asked before but can't recall if you answered - have you found a therapist for your D16? I think she could really use someone to talk to, who is not embroiled in the sitch.

[paul19510]

Hi M! She's been to one. She has the offer to continue but at this point has declined.

[bluesgal]

Paul

My D15 says the same thing. She's been to counseling once now and would prefer not to return. I don't want to push her, but don't want to neglect her needs. This is a tough dilemma. I'm just trying to have a lot of conversation and ask questions. Last night D15 came and laid on my bed and we talked about shopping and laughed. I try to send her texts each day to stay positive and tell her I love her and I'm proud of her and confident in her choices.

[paul19510]

Hi blues. Same stuff here. I do make sure to document and udate therapy PT AND OT appts and the choice to see a therapist to my Stbxw.