You know where I get really stuck? Two options with different benefits:
1) I'm going to make the best choice for me. And that does not include h in my life anymore. I will finally be 100% my own person, answer only to myself, make decisions that best suit me. I won't care if h works all the time and wastes his money and ignores his kids. Those are his decisions and have nothing to do with me. I'll be liberated and he can suck it.
2) I am going to be long suffering and patient because that is absolutely what I would want h to do for me. That is what is best for my family and I have more to gain than to lose. I like myself better exercising what I define as unconditional love. For h & for my family.
Does anyone relate to these choices? At the beginning, there was only desperation and I was heartsick for my marriage. But now? I'm feeling it's more trouble than it's worth and I may be missing out on an opportunity to really command a life that would bring more fulfillment. Can I have fulfillment in my marriage? Sure, if h & I were both working towards the same goals. I can work towards fulfillment now, and I've come a long ways there on my own. But can I be fulfilled in limbo indefinitely? I don't see how that's possible!
