What I am hearing here is that you get your self-worth based on your own physical attractiveness to men.
You are worthy in your own right, in your full glory as Heather, and as a great Mom. Maybe you might want to work on that perspective and shift to self-acceptance of your own worth. That comes from self-love first and foremost. Then the rest will take care of itself.
For me, I derive my self-worth from self-love and self-acceptance. Sure, it feels good if I turn heads but that does not underpin my sense of worth based others' view of me. See the difference? I have seen older women radiate in self-confidence and they look "amazing" because of that vibe they give away. They do not necessarily have Sophia Loren's looks, but by golly...they are attractive nevertheless!
It is the inner love that radiates outward and they DO attract people. Have you ever noticed this when you see men and women have that special quality that just draws you in their spheres? They aren't the George Clooneys or Sophia Lorens.
How one accomplishes that is all in how you think of yourself. Change your thoughts and then the external will change.
This brings me to another point about your experience with Smokey and alcoholics. One can either place themselves in an environment that attracts certain individuals. What is it that makes you want to hang around alcoholics? I am not saying you're doing this intentionally. However, it is from your inner world that brings these folks to your front porch so to speak. They are your mirror to what's going on within you.
When you move to a more healthy place on the inside, then the external will reflect that. This is the Law of Attraction in action whether you realize this or not at the conscious level. It is always on in full operation. It never turns off.
