Originally Posted By: trc2009
That happened a while ago before I even found this site. I haven't done that since that moment.


Good, even if you didn't need it perhaps someone else reading did smile

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The one thing I'm finding it hard to do is actually "talk" with her. We're generally communicated/joked w/ each other pretty effortlessly before the separation, even after she dropped the bomb.

But now there's this invisible wall up because of the separation that there just seems to be boundaries that weren't there before. And I'm afraid to cross any of those boundaries.


Don't expect it to go "back to normal" because it won't. At least, not for a very long time (years). I'm over 1-1/2 years post-BD and we have never talked like we did pre-BD. I'm not sure we ever will. It's not you, it's her. She's built the castle walls up tall and strong and you're not allowed in. You can't breach the wall, it's up to her to lower the drawbridge. Do you know the picnic-outside-the-castle analogy?

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The problem with that is the fact that I can't REALLY be myself around her because of that.


Eventually you'll get over that. Right now you feel like you're walking on eggshells, like every word might give your M life or death. Eventually you'll come to realize that your W is DONE (for now) and nothing you say is going to change that. You'll loosen up and be yourself even though she will not.

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Any advice on this?


Give yourself time to adjust to things. Quit worrying about how she'll react to every little thing you do or say.

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I have the luxury of being able to see my wife and talk to her nearly every day. Many here don't have that.


I'm not sure that's a good thing. The WAS needs to learn to miss the LBS, when there's frequent contact not only do they not learn to miss the LBS, but they get tired of seeing them all the time. Plus it's hard for the LBS to detach. You might want to cut back on those frequent visits.


Me: 60 w/ S18, D24, D27

M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:57