melissa

[Underdog]

I know - she has a real conundrum here, doesn't she? It's an issue I'd take up with my XH, but as Wonka said, it would take a tightrope dance with real finesse to have a snowball's chance in hell at changing the outcome. Melissa's H doesn't make it easy.

But could a child psychologist be a bad idea? Honestly, I don't see how. And does the injunction prevent you from seeking medical help for her?

Why would your h oppose it? I'd think it's very revealing if he does.

I'll weigh in on the hopeful side. My XH thought our now D20 was handling our split very maturely at the age of 8. I remember him telling me, "she has my cell and work number, she can call anytime. It's like I'll always be there for her, and she gets that." But maybe it's a mom thing. Or maybe it's a WAS thing. He took everything at the time at face value. And since he saw what he wanted to see, in his mind, everything was great!

He initially opposed to me putting D20 in touch with her child psychologist. The same one we used (ironically for the same reasons) back when we got a diagnosis on D17 at the age of 3. I kinda decided to override his decision. I think I said, "if the doctor feels that she's hunky dory, then I won't force her to go". I think he felt that they'd go in for a tune up, the doctor would say what he wanted to hear, and then we could proceed with his game plan. And no surprise, it didn't work that way at all. With the doctor's help, we worked out the schedule so that the appointments were on his day with the girls - so she could come out and address any salient points with him at the end of their session. I know none of you here would be shocked if I said it was a real eye opener for him. Initially, he was angry she felt that way. But as the psychologist started to get through to him that it wasn't about HIS feelings, he slowly shifted to a more empathetic position.

But my XH is, by nature, an empathetic person. So it didn't surprise me that he moved off of his square. Particularly when they started addressing the abandonment issues. So when she was 13, our D was long finalized, and the issues started to crop up again, he didn't bat an eye when I suggested we return to the doctor for some help.

As 25 stated a few threads ago, make sure you include the cost for therapy in with your budget to the lawyers. As these ladies have found out, no matter what the outcome is, the act of a family separating is going to have consequences. And 25, you hit a nail on the head with the Father-Daughter R. That's the first love R a daughter will ever have, and it teaches girls so much about the kind of men they might choose down the road. Or in other cases, women. 25, my heart broke a little about your update on your D16. This must be so hard for her. And while my heart goes out to your H for wanting things to be different, there are unfortunate scars from hurts that never heal. I hope that your D16 can find some peace and healing as she goes.

(Oh, and as for the "murderous" fish, can he get a reprieve, or at least a transfer?? If he gets another cell mate, let's make sure they're more compatible...)

Wha? Was he given the death penalty? Or sentenced to life in solitary confinement?

I feel bad for all our kids. Isn't it tough that they have to bear the consequences of struggles that were never theirs?