Here's the thing, right now you're pushing your agenda, what YOU want. Every time you do it reminds her just how far apart the two of you are and it drives her farther away from you. It makes her more anxious to pursue D. Stop pushing YOUR agenda on her. She KNOWS you don't want D, you don't need to keep reminding her. What she's going through right now is all about her. You need to listen and validate and that is it. Don't tell her your feelings, don't argue/ beg/ plead/ negotiate/ agree/ disagree. Just LISTEN and VALIDATE. Take all the pressure off of her. No R talk. No M talk. Once you remove the pressure from a WAS they often no longer feel the need to push for D.
I think I understand what you're saying. I have been doing that pretty well lately as far as not begging, pleading, arguing and not trying to bring up R or M. But when we're talking about the kids, finances for the future (we're trying to do D amicably) don't I still get to negotiate and argue for myself at that point?
Like, when we set up the parenting plan I want to tell her that I want to stick to the plan and she can't come over on the days that aren't hers. I don't know what she expects at this point, but I think she believes we're going to remain good friends after this is over. I just don't want to do that, it would feel fake to me to be friends with her at that point.
