There's another dead bishop on the landing...

[ericmsant2]

Lois,

You are getting some good stuff posted to you…

From Gabbymom23 - What if your self image didn't revolve around the way a man perceives you?

As a man, I can tell you that we pick up on this. If you have self image issues, they are gonna show and honestly – they are not attractive. Instead of thinking about the self image issue, why not reframe that and look at the positives that you do have. Dealing with a spouse that is in crisis is so tough that our sense of self takes a huge hit. That said, the next quote leads me to think that this is deeper than the MLC imposed hit we all take.

I do feel that I'm only as valuable as I am attractive/sexy/appealing to the opposite sex.

Why? Dig here Lois – WHY?

Do you think you do not look good? Did this start in school? Did your Dad not tell you how pretty you were? Did other girls make fun of your body? Do you doubt your ability to satisfy a man? Do you question f you can emotionally satisfy a man so you use sex? I may be off base here, I dunno – I do know that YOU know the answer. Keep digging Lois…

I'm sorta fed up with having to go without human touch/affection/comfort.

I would say get a dog….but I know that;s not what you want to hear. (this is a joke).

I've really been longing for a man to just hold me.

I get this ^^^^ (except replace man with women in my case) – I am not here to judge you nor to tell you to not feel this way. It really is quite normal. What I can express is my own experience. I unlike many – acted on this “feeling”. In the end, I caused myself more pain as well as someone else. When you feel this way, you will be surprised at just how vulnerable you are. Be careful Lois…be careful. I would suggest, that you find things in your life that complete you. That fulfill YOU.

I'm tired of being strong and "together" for the sake of my kids and I want so desperately to have a soft place to land, just for a bit.

You do not ALWAYS have to be strong – you too are allowed to have those days when ya just wanna cry. It is okay. Have you consider a vaca with some lady friends? Maybe just a weekend away to recharge.

From Wonka…….this is what I call the 'slippery slope' where you seek dates to meet your need for companionship out of neediness, feeling lonely, confidence boost. When you feel these feelings, it tells you that you are not ready to date.

I agree 100% with Wonka. It is a very slippery slope.

How do you know when you're ready to let someone else in?

IMO, our society has become one of immediate gratification. We want what we want when we want it. We tell ourselves what we need to hear to justify what we want to do – not what we should do. Consider reframing this – instead of trying to figure out “when” or “how do you know” – try just living happy. Try just letting life happen. Focus less on “how, when, what” and just focus on “being happy”.

I have more work to do on myself. I need to stop looking or a man to fill this empty place in my heart.

BINGO! Yes you need to stop looking for a man to fill that. Do you understand why you may be doing it? Have you considered that it ….just may be easier to have a man fill the void then to…….

Find things that will address the below….

I get bored. I like to have stuff to look forward to and, especially, when life seems dreary or overwhelming, I get antsy for something, something fun, romantic, new, fresh, exciting...

If you get bored. What are you gonna do about it? Have you spent some time writing down ideas of stuff to do? Pick up painting, pick up a sport? Join a book club? Make a point to get a pedi mani once a month….. As I mentioned earlier, I believe that we tend to fall into habits that are easier or “what we are used to”. It is much harder to break the habit but ohhhhh sooo rewarding.

I read your list and my first reaction was…..”damn she needs to get some” – LOL. No seriously though…I think you are thinking of ideas that are 1) very comfortable for you and 2) satisfy the need for touch that you have.

Your in good hands with Gabbysmom23….I bet she can come up with some interesting ideas.

FWIW…here is one. Rock climbing. Have you ever done it?