She didn't say she didn't want it, she said she isn't ready yet. That seems reasonable. She's actively pursuing being okay on her own by taking tangible steps in that direction, so I'm just letting her do her thing.
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
She didn't say she didn't want it, she said she isn't ready yet. That seems reasonable.
She isn't ready to be "all in, head over heels, 100% in love". Seems kind of like having Publisher's Clearing House knock on your door and when you answer it they hold a million dollar check up and you say "sorry, I'm just not ready for that yet."
She didn't say she didn't want it, she said she isn't ready yet. That seems reasonable.
She isn't ready to be "all in, head over heels, 100% in love". Seems kind of like having Publisher's Clearing House knock on your door and when you answer it they hold a million dollar check up and you say "sorry, I'm just not ready for that yet."
I understand what you're saying, but it isn't that simple and I also understand that.
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
I haven't really updated my sitch much recently, so here goes:
Sunday: XW texted me, stating she was listening to Eric Clapton, which reminded her of driving to Midway airport in Chicago to pick me up when I came to visit a time a two while we were not living together early on in our R (~15 years ago). Then she wrote, "I'm sorry for being such a selfish as$hole the last two years."
I had a date with D4 Sunday night which went GREAT, as always, and I ended up spending the night, which is usual (more on that in a sec).
Monday: it has become a regularity/habit over the last month that the evenings I travel to her house to spend time with my girls are evenings that I spend the night as well. So much of a regular occurrence that I pack an overnight bag ahead of time, but also, when I'm there, I wonder if I should just presume I am staying or wait for the formal invitation to stay. After all, I don't want to give her the impression that I am assuming any type of ownership of her home...that was what caused the big push away back around Christmas - it's well documented in my threads here...let me know if you can't find something, but here are the basics:
So last night instead of just changing into my jammies , I said I had better get going because I was tired (this, too, was slightly out of the norm because me staying the night had become such a given). She offered for me to stay, but in an ambiguous way: "it's okay if you stay here." I responded that it was still early (before 10pm), and the roads weren't icy anymore, so I didn't need to stay and wait until morning to leave. She came back with a very UNambiguous "I *want* you to stay." So I stayed.
Today: She texted me earlier this morning apologizing for "guilting [me] or whatever into sleeping over...Wasn't trying to guilt you, but don't want you to feel like you have to or need to, but rather want to."
I responded, "You didn't guilt me. I wanted to." -----
I was thinking earlier if I need to graduate out of the "Newcomers" section into a different forum..."Surviving the Big D" for example. I suppose it doesn't really matter.
Also, I am starting a new Bible study for Divorced/Separated people tonight and am looking forward to it.
Some Random Advice: 1) Learn to let go of control. This is obvious and easy to say, but much harder to do. However, it is critical to your recovery. 2) Learn to forgive. Most importantly, learn to forgive yourself. 3) Always do the right thing, no matter how difficult it is. 4) Act honorably. 5) Go out of your way to do something nice for someone else today. 6) Make today great! Don't wait for it to happen.
This place is chock-full of AWESOME people going through really tough times, helping each other out with advice, encouragement, an ear to listen, and a shoulder to cry on. Keep on encouraging one another in brotherly/sisterly love, trying to outdo one another in kindness, compassion, and affection.
All the best! Endure well!
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
PatientMan, that's awesome to hear that after all this time your XW and yourself have reached the point of being able to spend time together like that. It gives me hope for my own sitch Congrats!
Me-40,W-37 D7, D5, S3 Separated Oct 3/2013 T 11 YRS M 7 YRS
, I said I had better get going because I was tired (this, too, was slightly out of the norm because me staying the night had become such a given). She offered for me to stay, but in an ambiguous way: "it's okay if you stay here." I responded that it was still early (before 10pm), and the roads weren't icy anymore, so I didn't need to stay and wait until morning to leave. She came back with a very UNambiguous "I *want* you to stay." So I stayed.
Congrats!