Sad times

[MamaB]

H came home last weekend, he left yesterday. It was the first time we really talked (face to face) since BD.

We talked about how to proceed with the divorce, mostly about finances. H really wants me to move, he offered more spousal support if I move vs. if I stay in Texas. I was pretty upset by this and told him it was blackmail. He does not see it the same way of course. I'm not going to move until after my oldest graduates from high school next year, after that I just don't know. I have no idea what my life will look like at that time. I do understand why he is desperate for me to commit to moving, but now I'm feeling guilty about it, even though he is the one that wants the D. We decided to think about the finances and move and talk again. Not sure if that is going to happen or not.

A few things I noticed, I'm starting to detach. I was able to go about my days with him here without hiding out in my bedroom. He stayed upstairs most of the time, but we did interact and it was ok, awkward, but ok. Also we went (in separate cars) to both my younger Ds soccer games. This was something I was dreading, but again, it was ok.

My H seems a little lost, he has only confided in two people. His brother who went through a terrible divorce and had never recovered and has a lot of anger, and Hs boss, also divorced and has issues (my H words). He is defiantly conflicted, but determined to get Divorced. He does feel that D will make his like better, but is also confused and admitted to second guessing, which I guess is normal. In some ways,I feel like the stronger person even though I'm still a mess.