She left - My Story, First Post

[gogofo]

Our oldest niece is going to have a birthday trip to a hot springs for some swimming and my SIL asked if our two kids can join them. W tells me she is going with them for the weekend. This is an event where the whole family would have been invited if it were not for our S. I was not present for this conversation, the W told me after the fact.

The SIL does not have any resentment towards me and I have even spent time hanging at their house with my nieces. I assume I have not got the invite because of the possible awkwardness with the W and I right now.

This is a trip has brought up various emotions in me.

First I am upset that I was not invited, it makes me mad/sad and makes me feel like I am being excluded from family events. The separation effects more than just the W and I. This is something I would like to be there for.

I would like to be there to enjoy the swimming with my kids and my nieces and their family. I know it would be enjoyable for all.

We had done the same trip two years ago and I seemed that the W did not like it. She has a slight aversion to water when people are splashing and her face/head gets wet or goes under water. Plus out youngest was 10 months old and screamed all night in the hotel room. He was hard on us, particularly his mom, until he was about 20 months old. Made me stressed and sad. He would just scream when he was upset, sometimes for hours on end. It wasn't until an argument around BD that she said she enjoyed the trip, I was flabbergasted.

I also feel that it would be a situation for the W and I to be together with the kids and she would see the improvements that I have made. Not spending enough time with her family was also an issue and this would cover that.

What [censored] is that I don't feel like I could tell her that I want to attend and be there with the kids and her family and have fun with them that weekend. This would be pursuing and also be dealing with how I feel, not how she feels.

I feel like if I expressed this it would be going against the DR technique and the 37 rules.

I want to go and want to express my feelings on this, but I don't want to create more issues with our situation. We have not had a discussion about us since Feb 15 (which was heated and explain earlier in the thread), and that was the only time since starting DB.

I am frustrated and don't know what to do. I also don't think there is a right or wrong answer.

I will probably have to address my feelings and work through them so I don't send any progress backwards. The trip may not matter in the whole big scheme of things.