There's another dead bishop on the landing...

[LoisB]

I agree. I have more work to do on myself. I need to stop looking or a man to fill this empty place in my heart.

I had another dream last night with my dad and Smokey. I keep having these dreams where D11 is about four or five years old. In this dream, I took her to get her hair cut and Smokey was there getting his hair cut with his mother. I was sitting next to him when his mother and he started whispering back and forth. I got up and told them I could tell they had dissolution "things" to discuss and I would leave them alone. I was polite, not angry, more exhausted with their insensitivity and immaturity.

I went to wait in the waiting room and discovered he had taken D11 to get ice cream without asking me. I wasn't angry he took her, but I was angry he didn't ask and I felt sad about my daughter having to deal with the whole parenting trade that I had to deal with when my parents divorced. I hurt for her.

Smokey had taken my dad's rifle and planned to keep it as his own. My grandmother's house was in it too. It was my safe place to go after Smokey and his mom hurt me. But, for a time, I was staying there alone and I was frightened. I was surrounded by family and having a huge Thanksgiving dinner. The whole town was invited with a parade. It was a bit impersonal. I was sad and a bit lost. But, someone mentioned swimming in my Grandma's pool and I perked up. My aunt wanted to swim like we did when I was little. Smokey was two blocks away with OW at a picnic/high school type party. A very vivid dream.

I woke up feeling very empty inside where Smokey is concerned.