Its funny I had three girlfriends over a few weeks ago and two were really pushing me to do online dating. i really dont have anything opposed to it but I just feel like it takes a lot of time to create this profile and go on dates the majority of which lead nowhere. Finally the 3rd friend without me prodding says "why does she need online dating? She has two gorgeous girls, she has friends. It will happen when it happens"
That was totally what I needed to hear. I am busy, very busy being a single mom. I have great friends and family to lean on. I have these boards to vent.
One day I will have a man in my life but I am not interested in having one just for the sake of having one - they take up too much energy.
When I go to friends house and see their H play violent crazy video games on Saturdays it always makes me extra happy. Plus I have more closet space.
Go easy on yourself
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
I agree. I have more work to do on myself. I need to stop looking or a man to fill this empty place in my heart.
I had another dream last night with my dad and Smokey. I keep having these dreams where D11 is about four or five years old. In this dream, I took her to get her hair cut and Smokey was there getting his hair cut with his mother. I was sitting next to him when his mother and he started whispering back and forth. I got up and told them I could tell they had dissolution "things" to discuss and I would leave them alone. I was polite, not angry, more exhausted with their insensitivity and immaturity.
I went to wait in the waiting room and discovered he had taken D11 to get ice cream without asking me. I wasn't angry he took her, but I was angry he didn't ask and I felt sad about my daughter having to deal with the whole parenting trade that I had to deal with when my parents divorced. I hurt for her.
Smokey had taken my dad's rifle and planned to keep it as his own. My grandmother's house was in it too. It was my safe place to go after Smokey and his mom hurt me. But, for a time, I was staying there alone and I was frightened. I was surrounded by family and having a huge Thanksgiving dinner. The whole town was invited with a parade. It was a bit impersonal. I was sad and a bit lost. But, someone mentioned swimming in my Grandma's pool and I perked up. My aunt wanted to swim like we did when I was little. Smokey was two blocks away with OW at a picnic/high school type party. A very vivid dream.
I woke up feeling very empty inside where Smokey is concerned.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Something I'm noticing with myself, over and over...
I get bored. I like to have stuff to look forward to and, especially, when life seems dreary or overwhelming, I get antsy for something, something fun, romantic, new, fresh, exciting...
I'm not sure this is something that will change with me. My dad races cars and goes on vacations. I think I'm a lot like him in some ways where I need some outlet for my brain and life in general. I need to think of an stress relieving outlet. A healthy outlet. Exercise alone won't do it for me. But, it can be one outlet. Actually, I think I need to think of several.
What things do I find fun, exciting, stress relieving, enjoyable (I'm writing whatever comes to mind-and I'm really overdue for some human touch):
Flirting Sex Swimming Massages Facials Bubble Baths
Jeezus, this balance thing is really hard!
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
From Gabbymom23 - What if your self image didn't revolve around the way a man perceives you?
As a man, I can tell you that we pick up on this. If you have self image issues, they are gonna show and honestly – they are not attractive. Instead of thinking about the self image issue, why not reframe that and look at the positives that you do have. Dealing with a spouse that is in crisis is so tough that our sense of self takes a huge hit. That said, the next quote leads me to think that this is deeper than the MLC imposed hit we all take.
Quote:
I do feel that I'm only as valuable as I am attractive/sexy/appealing to the opposite sex.
Why? Dig here Lois – WHY?
Do you think you do not look good? Did this start in school? Did your Dad not tell you how pretty you were? Did other girls make fun of your body? Do you doubt your ability to satisfy a man? Do you question f you can emotionally satisfy a man so you use sex? I may be off base here, I dunno – I do know that YOU know the answer. Keep digging Lois…
Quote:
I'm sorta fed up with having to go without human touch/affection/comfort.
I would say get a dog….but I know that;s not what you want to hear. (this is a joke).
Quote:
I've really been longing for a man to just hold me.
I get this ^^^^ (except replace man with women in my case) – I am not here to judge you nor to tell you to not feel this way. It really is quite normal. What I can express is my own experience. I unlike many – acted on this “feeling”. In the end, I caused myself more pain as well as someone else. When you feel this way, you will be surprised at just how vulnerable you are. Be careful Lois…be careful. I would suggest, that you find things in your life that complete you. That fulfill YOU.
Quote:
I'm tired of being strong and "together" for the sake of my kids and I want so desperately to have a soft place to land, just for a bit.
You do not ALWAYS have to be strong – you too are allowed to have those days when ya just wanna cry. It is okay. Have you consider a vaca with some lady friends? Maybe just a weekend away to recharge.
Quote:
From Wonka…….this is what I call the 'slippery slope' where you seek dates to meet your need for companionship out of neediness, feeling lonely, confidence boost. When you feel these feelings, it tells you that you are not ready to date.
I agree 100% with Wonka. It is a very slippery slope.
Quote:
How do you know when you're ready to let someone else in?
IMO, our society has become one of immediate gratification. We want what we want when we want it. We tell ourselves what we need to hear to justify what we want to do – not what we should do. Consider reframing this – instead of trying to figure out “when” or “how do you know” – try just living happy. Try just letting life happen. Focus less on “how, when, what” and just focus on “being happy”.
Quote:
I have more work to do on myself. I need to stop looking or a man to fill this empty place in my heart.
BINGO! Yes you need to stop looking for a man to fill that. Do you understand why you may be doing it? Have you considered that it ….just may be easier to have a man fill the void then to…….
Find things that will address the below….
Quote:
I get bored. I like to have stuff to look forward to and, especially, when life seems dreary or overwhelming, I get antsy for something, something fun, romantic, new, fresh, exciting...
If you get bored. What are you gonna do about it? Have you spent some time writing down ideas of stuff to do? Pick up painting, pick up a sport? Join a book club? Make a point to get a pedi mani once a month….. As I mentioned earlier, I believe that we tend to fall into habits that are easier or “what we are used to”. It is much harder to break the habit but ohhhhh sooo rewarding.
I read your list and my first reaction was…..”damn she needs to get some” – LOL. No seriously though…I think you are thinking of ideas that are 1) very comfortable for you and 2) satisfy the need for touch that you have.
Your in good hands with Gabbysmom23….I bet she can come up with some interesting ideas.
FWIW…here is one. Rock climbing. Have you ever done it?
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
When my ex left, I learned to play the drums. Now I play in an amateur punk rock cover band, and I also tour occasionally playing vibraphone and percussion for a profe4ssional songwriter friend. Next week I'm going to play with her at SXSW in Austin! Not bad for a middle-aged woman
I thought I'd give you a little pressie here. Ms. Wonka texted me and wants to talk on the phone with me tonight. It's been nearly a year since we last talked on the phone.
Ayup. Thought this would perk up your ears, sweetie.
Awwwww, you crazy kids. Thanks for telling me, you made me smile.
Ok. I officially have an electric bill in my name. I'm a big kid now. And, I doubt Smokey knew this when he changed things around, but I had to do a credit check--which stunk and, then, added a $230 deposit onto my bill this month. I was able to lump it with my bill which isn't due until March 27... but, ugh. With the Jeep repair and the electric. I'm barely making it to North Carolina.
I do, however, have almost a grand in the bank. Once Smokey makes a deposit on Thursday, I will.
Told D19 she needs to go to financial aid this week and ask about increasing her student loans to cover the $2500 still due for this semester.
Handled the electric. I was on hold for 1 hour and 30 minutes trying to sort this out. A lot of bitching and moaning from me as I thought about the lack of child support which lead to the poor credit which lead to the $230 deposit which lead to the old lady who swallowed the fly. I'm going to exercise this one off.
Smokey sent me a strange text today reminding me that the electric will be shut off if I don't open the account in my name by Friday? I mighta sounded peeved but told him I understood completely and was trying to get it done ASAP.
Called the student loan peeps so I can figure out something with this payment.
Checked my bank balance about 100 times.
Choc lab was given a bath for her vacay.
Still no Jeep. Will call in the morning.
I have a few groceries to pick up to get through til we leave. I have the money for my mom!!!! WooHoo!!
I need to check in with the bookkeeper. I still owe her the last $75 for Feb. She insists on cash and I haven't been able to leave the house. Last month I paid in a Walmart grocery card, but her husband was weird about it. Anyway, I will feel better when I have that taken care of. I hate when that hangs over my head. She is such a good friend. I may send her some flowers for the groceries she brought over.
So, there you have the business side of things.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Ms. Wonka texted me and wants to talk on the phone with me tonight. It's been nearly a year since we last talked on the phone. 
