This may not be the "answer" you're looking for but when you become a more compassionate person in all areas of your life (I'm not saying you aren't, this is just a general statement), it just happens.

It's a big step when we can see our spouses are also struggling. When we see both sides of the coin. As long as we vilify and demonize being truly compassionate is impossible.

Do you meditate? Are you familiar with loving kindness or metta meditation? It has been helpful for me.

I also repeat this to myself quite often:

Watch your thoughts for they become words.
Watch your words for they become actions.
Watch your actions for they become habits.
Watch your habits for they become your character.
And watch your character for it becomes your destiny.
What we think, we become

Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss