Guys, thank you! I've said this before, but I don't know how I would've gotten through this mess without you.
PS, I echo your sentiments toward Joe :-) He loves to tell me about his R, and he does it not realizing that what he says would hurt my feelings. He has a hard time experiencing empathy, so he mostly acts without even thinking the impact his words/actions will have on others. He said he's felt like calling me to ask for advice many times but decided against it (which shows a bit of progress...)
He is also realizing what he lost (at least a little bit.) I listen to his stories because I love him (although I would never want to be M to him anymore) plus I'm curious to see how life teaches him the lessons he refused to learn the simple, painless way. I do get angry, though. Anger is the main negative feeling that still surfaces quite often.
PM, thank you for posting on my thread! I actually wrote a book, but I don't mention all this juicy stuff. The book is for us going through this to heal--can't wait for it to be published! I should write another book about Joe's antics, and people would think it's fiction!
Ruby, thank you, thank you. Your words are always so comforting to me. I don't know whether I'll marry again, but I'm definitely better off now! I had completely lost myself, and now that I've returned to my true path, I feel elated. Yes, I'm angry at what happened, and wish I could turn back time, but I feel blessed for every second of my life now. And I have grown a lot, as you said.
Tori, What a relief that your MIL didn't iniate the end of communication on her own... it is amazing how the decisions of one branch out and effect so many others.
My thoughts are with you, my friend!
Each day IS a blessing..what a nice way to view life!
M- 18 T-21 S-14,11 & 10 BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA) H moved out 11-3-2012 10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life. 11-25-13 Jointly filed.
Wow, it's been such a long time! I've been thinking about all of you, and wanted to wish you joy this holiday season(even if it seems hard to be joyful considering your situations). There was a time when I couldn't visualize a joyful future. Even if I knew my life would eventually improve, it seemed like an abstract concept. Now that I've moved on to a much better place, I can see (and feel) happiness. My book will be published in a few months. I would've never written or published this book hadn't I gone through the terrible time I experienced. Remember, it's all in divine order. Be comforted that you're not alone, and continue relying on the support and encouragement in this forum. Sending love to all, and best to you in 2014.
I was thinking about you all and wanted to wish you a great New Year. What a difference a year makes. Last year on 1/1 I was suffering after Joe had affirmed on 12/31 close to midnight that he wanted a D even after spending Xmas together and taking me out on New Year's Eve. This year I look back and see how much I've grown and learned. Focus on what you can learn from your sitch and how you are growing as a person. What happens to your M matters, but for now, concentrate on being a better person, a grander person than you used to be. Love to all.
Not-so-pleasant update. Joe sent me a long email explaining how his expenses were skyrocketing and said he would take me to court to decrease the support he's giving me. Then he called in the middle of the night to say he wanted changes done "immediately" instead of next year, as he had implied in his email, so that's when I decided to call my L. I need to protect myself. So now all comm from Joe goes to the L. The L said there's no legal basis for the change, so most likely the judge will not make any changes, but now I find myself having to go through court, which I didn't want to do when we processed the D. It's stressful and unnecessary. All bc of Joe's reckless behavior and decisions. If anyone had told me 3 yrs ago that Joe would be cheating on me (w several women) lying, and suing me, I would've never believed it. Lesson: People's behavior is unpredictable, especially when it comes down to the material. I continue being centered, though it's been difficult. Thank you for listening! Miss you all. Gotta run, but I'll catch up on your sitchs soon!
Thank you, FY. Joe has been quiet since I asked him to communicate directly with the L. We'll see what happens...
I thought I should post this update. I went for a quick lunch time trip to the grocery store, and I was reading the ingredients of a new granola bar, someone approached me. At first I didn't recognized her bc she had gained a lot of wait, but then it hit me. It was the OW. She said she wanted to apologize for what she had done and that I did not deserve it. She said Joe had tried to avoid her but she had insisted and insisted until he gave in. I told her this really helped me forgive, and it does. She said she'll never get involved w a married man again and that she was sorry. That now she learned her lesson. Go figure. I thought, wow. Here is one of those unresolved issues/ghosts of the past that I can now put to rest :-)
