melissa

[melissag]

Just a little venting/journaling.

Is it just my H or are all men emotional dumb asses? H hasn't seen the kids since Friday morning. He walked into TKD 5 minutes before class started, and immediately told D9 that her pet fish ("Stella") died. Not in a sympathetic way but more matter of fact. Then he tells her that her other fish ("Finn") murdered her. He pretty much brushed off her sadness about it, then told her that now she has to share Finn (whom he bought for D9 as an xmas gift) with S7, because when they got Stella, D9 agreed that she and S7 would share both fish. So my D9 then was VERY upset, because Finn was an Xmas gift from H, and he should be hers and she shouldn't have to share him, etc. And my H just sat there and invalidated every last thing she said, and told her if she didn't want to share Finn, she would have to compensate S7 for the fish that her fish murdered.

Are. You. F-ing. Kidding me??

So class started, and I saw D9 kept going over closer to H, and he kept shoving her away or walking away from her and gave her a talking to about following him.

D9 then came over to me and burst into tears. I took her out of the class and she said she was REALLY sad about her fish dying, and that H told her that her remaining fish wasn't even hers. She said it had made her feel really special when H bought it for her for xmas and now he was saying it wasn't even hers anymore. I just listened and validated. She was upset that her fish had killed her other fish, and I reminded her that fish die for a lot of reasons and we don't really know how she died. (When she said that to H after class, he said, oh no, he murdered her - she had a hole in her, so clearly he murdered her, unless she got impaled on a sea plant.)

Anyway, then we got onto other topics. She has had a lot of stomachaches lately (even before BD) and she mentioned today, as we were talking about that, that she gets stomach aches when she exercises a lot, and added that H doesn't believe her and think she is just a "lazy butt."

THEN, she said she is glad that we are all the same belt rank, because if Dad was a higher belt rank, he would just make fun of her all the time.

Aauuugggghhhhh. I really hate listening to this stuff.

When he was here, yes, I will admit it, it was wrong, I was sticking my nose in their R and trying to prop it up and make things go more smoothly.

I know I have to stay out of it, and let them find their own R, but it is so hard to hear my D9 be sad about the way he treats her sometimes. Yes, she also has fun with him. It's not like he is a terrible father.

I have no idea what the F is going to happen in a few years when she enters adolescence and has a hell of a lot more emotions all the time. He may be rethinking his 50/50 custody demand at that point.

Anyway. I am not looking for things to rag on my H for. I am just venting because it's hard to see/hear this stuff. In a way, I guess it is nice and a relief for me that I don't have to hear it every day like I used to (and try to fix it, and smooth it over, and make sure everyone was happy, and then have my H yell at me for not taking his side), but I am sorry that my kids still have to.

Wonka, I *was* kind of wondering about you. Where ya been? Hope things are going well and your grandma is healing up nicely!

H is here this week. He was gone last weekend and I am gone with the kids for five days starting Friday (yay!). So the break will be nice.