You got through this intact! That is something to celebrate after seeing W and the OW together. You made it through to the other side! Yeessss, you did.
You ask: Actually Wonka, it would be great to have some incite into your mind, since reading a while ago your sitch. If you don't mind Wonka. How did you deal with having a relationship with someone else, while still caring for your W? Was it about dropping the rope, moving on, but still having that love/care in the back of your mind? Was it something in your mind that always said you would take her back? Was the new relationship never going to be "it all", because you still cared for the W?
Dropping the rope doesn't mean you DON'T care about your spouse. Dropping the rope is not being anxious or reactive to the WAS' movements or lack thereof. It means that you are not overly invested in the process emotionally and you've found your balance. That is what dropping the rope means.
For me, I will always have a special love for Ms. Wonka tucked away in my heart. It has its own place. Acknowledging this is important. People think they have to stuff down this "love" or deny this "love" out of fear that they're not moving forward or of being "disloyal" to their next date/GF/BF...whatever. This is not the case at all.
When dating other people, the real challenge is not to compare them to your WAS. It is grossly and incredibly unfair to the new person. I think it is important to date as many people as you can after splitting up with your spouse so you're able to discern the personality characteristics, values, common interests, and other personal habits that reveal new things about your views of a potential future spouse. It is CRITICALLY important not to view your dates as potential Mrs. HWA for it makes you rush things and feel you have to marry right away. That is a bad move and will cause you more heartbreak. I have news for you: Rebound Marriages ALMOST never work. I've seen too many in RL to count on my hands....unfortunately.
In other words, you just have to put yourself out there and push yourself to date again. Otherwise, your heart will shrivel up from fear and lack of love. Then you'll become one of those CAT man or DOG man where you collect 30 dogs/cats in place of a companion.
Your choice, m' dear HWA.
P.S. The new relationship will never be "it all" because NO relationship is ever "be it all." That is setting the bar too high.
