Unicorns, Big Foot, and the WAS...

[artsy]

Titled so, because the WAS is such a strange creature. While our stories of them and our "sightings" are different, they all have similarities and nobody really knows how the story is going to end...


New thread time- last thread was "Wouldn't wish this on anyone"- I gave up trying to link it, so....


New day, new year! Literally, as my birthday was yesterday.

Bummed about my current GAL status- while I am still going to bowling tonight, I can't actually participate due to my recovery. BUT, I will sit and watch my team while I drink beer and eat pizza! And I can't run until my stitches come out on the 12th, so that's a bummer. Gonna do my best to keep busy in other ways, though!

This is my spring break week coming up- I have 2 massive papers due soon, so I will be busy writing.

A lot has happened since I started my first post, we shall see what happens throughout this one!

[zew]

Link to old thread

[artsy]

THANKS zew!!!!!!!!!!

[zew]

sorry, but I'm still going to ask you to rethink this:

Re:calling it "my" house- he started doing it a few years ago whenever he was angry at me, then he did it as a joke whenever he wanted to tease me. He knows exactly what he's doing, and I literally asked him, last week, to stop doing it again. He's not stupid, so he clearly has a reason for it and is disregarding me in the process.

Ya, he's being a jerk, but he's going to push that button for the rest of your life, as long as you keep it in good working order. It's up to you to disable it. When the button stops working, he'll stop pushing it. Pavlov 101. Break the cycle.

And he loses 2 points for the birthday text. I didn't expect or want him to buy me anything, but a phone call would have been perfect. Birthdays are really important to me (everyone's birthday-not just mine. It's YOUR day to feel special.)

You're imposing your expectations and values on him. He didn't have to do anything. But he did. Even under the circumstances. It just wasn't up to your level of expectation, so you're slamming him. I think this is your hatchet to bury.

[melissag]

Artsy, I am with zew on this one. I am certainly not defending your H in the least, just saying that you need to accept reality and get your expectations in line with it, or you will just torture yourself for all eternity.

Disable the button . . . I like that one, zew. I'm going to use it on myself.

[zew]

Feel free Melissag. I've been reading so much, and I realize that back in my M, W and definitely had some A->B->C->A cycles. Looking back, they would have been so easy for either of us to have broken, if only either of us had been just a little attentive. If I could have broken the cycle and didn't, I'm just as responsible as the other guy.

One of the things I'm learning is to not be so quick to blame W for everything that's gone wrong.

Well, except for the OM, lies, breach of trust etc. Those minor things are all hers. ;-)

[artsy]

Kept to myself yesterday and hit the reset button...

I read on here somewhere that things don't happen TO you, they happen FOR you. I love that (wrote it down, in fact). That's how I'm viewing H's actions this week.

Thanks for the comments, zew and M. I know I am the only person responsible for my feelings and reactions, etc. I'm guessing my reactions were based out of pure confusion. Less than a week ago H said how sorry he was and how he was trying to figure out how to come back and make it up to me, and now he's disappeared again.

Unfortunately, I can't even hear what he's saying any more because his actions (or lack thereof) are screaming so loud.

So I'm using it to move forward. My IC said to not disregard the anger- it's a mask for something else and I need to work it out. So I am. It's taking me out of town next weekend on a girl's trip

Still can't run or bowl for a week but I will GAL in other ways...

[artsy]

How do I deal with this:

I felt I needed to contact H about D12 (his SD12). I had a parent-teacher conference today. She's doing really really well, but she mentioned that she hasn't seen H in a long time to the teacher. BACKGROUND: D12 has Aspergers, we didn't know what to tell her about S, so we said H was going to be working out of town for a bit.

D12 really loves H. So I texted him to let him know we need to follow through with our plan to have a family night out on a regular basis for D12s sake. His response: "I didn't think I had that much of an influence on either of you."

My response:" I'm sorry you feel that way".
H: "not trying to be crappy, I guess I'm just lost"

Then I steered it to specifics about dinner on Wednesday. We now have solid plans.

Did I handle that right? Not sure how to deal with him in pity-party mode. I don't want to coddle him, but he needs to feel he's being heard on some level, too.

Any thoughts??

[artsy]

With her disability, she truly does have difficulty showing emotion, even though she feels it just as strong as anyone else. So, I can see how he would think she was indifferent.

He said the same about me- oops! I'm working on it, guys! Hard to do that and LRT.

[artsy]

Bumping this up- any vets with advice on how to handle this? How do you show appreciation and compassion while doing LRT?