Smokey texted me and told me he closed the Electric bill account from his name and I need to reopen it in my name by Friday. He said he would pay the nearly $600 balance on it.
It's not terrible news and I'm relieved he is stepping up to help me with the bill, but, somehow, I felt punched in the stomach.
I feel rejected, abandoned... I'm not sure. I have a lot of other stress, so these feelings may just be a reaction to it all.
I need to address the $2500 due to the college this month.
My Jeep is STILL in the shop.
Yesterday, we were out of everything in terms of groceries and there was a snowstorm so I knew my mom wouldn't come out. Then, I didn't know who else to ask. My one friend has a terrible case of the flu, my other friend has MS and I hate asking her for any favors right now and the others were at church. I felt stranded, alone...as a last resort, I tried texting the Forester to see if he could get some groceries and he was in the big city for the weekend. Great. So glad I could interupt! Luckily, a neighbor friend kindly cleaned out her pantry and sent over a few bags of groceries.
Seems like every guy interested in me on the online site is old, fat, creepy or old and fat AND creepy. I feel young, but I don't look young.
Part of me wonders if I'm past my prime.
I texted the Forester this morning and got this idea that, maybe, if I had a fun night out in a month or so, I'd feel motivated to keep exercising. So, I asked if he was up to going on a date in a month or two...well, the conversation somehow turned again and I put pressure on him and he got tense and I got pissed...And, now we aren't speaking.
I think I'm just stressed. Period. And, I feel so alone. I don't even know Smokey anymore. He's a stranger. And, I have this daughter to care for and she's counting on me for things like groceries, vacations, school, etc... And, I feel so alone.
I plan on exercising tonight. And, maybe a bubble bath.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
