Still Together & Trying To Work It Out!

[Azagtoth]

How about "intimate" activities? Have you done anything to mix that up or try to start it up?

MrBond,

NO!!! "Intimacy" is off the table right now. I can't even try to initiate without getting pushed away. I can't even touch her in that way or with that intention. I get the occasional snuggle or hug; I get hugged / kissed in the morning leaving for work (that she initiates), but that's about it.

Right now, I am simply in some kind of "Friend Zone" for lack of a better term. We still do all the couple / family stuff I mentioned previously, but no intimacy as a couple. She still acknowledges me as her husband (to friends, on FB, still wear's rings, etc) and told the therapist she still respects me as her husband and as a man / the man of the house, but she, in her words "doesn't have those feelings" right now. Even though she is the one that said let's get a therapist (I gave her the choice), and she says she is 100% in for fixing / reconciling, she still states doesn't think those feelings will ever come back. I know this is typical for WAS script but it gets d@mn annoying! I mean really, if your 100% in and tell me & the therapist this, request additional therapy sessions, then what's up with all the d@mn negativity? If it wasn't for the attempt to reconnect in December & asking for more sessions, sometimes I feel like I am being placated. I get sick and tired of "I don't know" answers in MC and the I don't want to send "mixed-signals". I mean d@mn, if that's the way you feel; if you believe that, why is she still here? Why live like "room mates" in a sexless, loveless marriage when she could just get on with it, ya know? And it isn't money; we both make a decent living and are actually financial peers in our current positions. Only difference is I am retired military with pension & disability pay so, a bit extra coming in, but she could live comfortable on her own with her salary and pay all her own bills. So WTF???

The most I have gotten since Jan 5 was this last Saturday night. We went to dinner and went to a club to have drinks and socialize. When we got home, she changed into PJ's, but laid on the couch with a blanket instead of bed. In the past, this has been an indication she wanted to snuggle up for a while. I took a chance, and laid down beside her (didn't even ask). She was actually responsive but pushing up against me and having me wrap my arms all the way around her. I laid with her for a while (maybe and hour) then got up to get some coffee & have a cigar. Plus, was trying to follow the DB rule of breaking off the hug / contact before she does kind of thing. Anyway, after about an hour, I said I was going to bed and she opened her eyes, smiled and said, " I was waiting for you". Went to bed; I usually sleep on my side and she snuggled right up against me and put her arm around me. She does this often enough I take it for what it is.

It's a catch 22; sometimes I wonder if she is waiting for me to make a move (show my Alpha), but at the same time, she says she needs space / feels smothered and the therapist is telling me to back off.

She has an appt. with the therapist Thursday. She made this appt. after the conversation we had (you know, the one where you said I was talking to much ). Wife hugged & kissed me the following morning and said she was making the appointment. Therapist knows what we talked about; I text therapist on it and she confirmed wife made an appt with her! Maybe some of the stuff I/we said made her think....maybe not! Guess I will find out but the therapist told me good job planting those seeds so she can reinforce it in IC.

I am not sure how long I will last, but I know I am far from being done. All I can say is I have the retainer fee's and am getting a lawyer consult this week or next. We had a talk early on and she told me flat out that if things didn't work she would walk and leave me financially intact; no alimony or retirement payments to her. Not sure if I believe it but, I know my wife isn't vindictive so possible. Gonna see what legal has to say. I make almost 2 x as much annually as she does (counting retirement & disability); if she leaves me alone like she said, then I am more financially & professionally stable than she is so hoping I can get primary custody of D10. Will definitely fight for it! D10 will be D11 soon which means she is allowed to have a say which parent she wants to live with. I have no doubt she will pick me over wife any day of week and twice on Sunday!

As far as me; I am actually doing great. Loving my GAL hobbies & spending as much time with D10 as I can. D10 shares a couple of my hobbies and she is so attached to me; she's my shadow where ever I go! Any attention my wife doesn't want goes straight to D10 and our activities together and has given me a stronger bond with D10 than she has with wife! If wife doesn't want to go do anything, I just go myself and have a blast whatever I am doing!

I am going to be kind of honest at this point about something even the therapist doesn't know. Feel free to 2x4 me if you want but it is what it is! I love my wife to death, and I do want to reconcile, and don't really want anyone else! That being said, I got an ego-boost a few times recently that confirms I am still attractive and looked at with value. I have been hit on / approached by 3 women recently while I was out; 2 in their late 20's and one in mid thirties. There is a female that works in an adjacent department that has had a thing for me since I started working here. Apparently she has been "chomping at the bit" recently concerning me. I just found this out recently by two mutual friends that confirmed the same thing. All of these women are VERY attractive; the one at work has similar interests as me which is why I stay away from her; don't need that crap right now! However, this tells me there IS A LIFE after my wife if it happens to go that way. I don't feel so bad about it anymore. Once she has pushed me so far away; once I decide I am done, I will be done and never look back!

If I seemed to ramble, sorry; had to get some of that negative cr@p out here rather than hold it in!

Thanks for reading!


Azagtoth