I'm in, wife's out

[LFC1170]

She says I hold grudges worse than anyone she knows. Okay...I do like to remember little things and bring them back up, usually just to taunt (trying to 180) but nothing vindictive or hurtful that I can think of ever

My w says the same thing but by our w calling us out on it and making us suffer are they not holding grudges just as bad? My wife says I hold grudges all the time but then she gets to withhold sex for 11 yrs. Is this not holding a grudge? makes no sense to me!