WAW seems confused

[trc2009]

I can. Certainly. But what I am saying is that my response was to let her choose which day because I am not the one who is pushing separation.

She asked me again a few mins ago if I wanted the kids today or tomorrow and I told her "my choice is to spend time with my family 7 days a week, so I leave it up to you because you are the one pushing this" I now think it may not be the right thing to have said but I wanted her to know I am indifferent to the choice.

What I read in that^^ is "W, I still have no outside interests or friends.

= I'm NEEDY and INCOMPLETE WITHOUT YOU...(so I don't bring much to the table)

Manhope, why would you believe your answer was anything but an attempt to look like martyr and guilt her some more?

What have you CHANGED about you? Yes Yes, I know, "more time at home" but before hand your only outlet was work and home.

Now, your outlets are "work and home" but in different ratios. There has to be some CHANGE...change she can believe in.

Here's the "math" of it:

small incremental changes + sufficient time = change she can believe in

Surely there were hobbies or passions that you once were interested in?

This makes so much sense. There's nothing wrong with wanting to spend time with your family. You can't be faulted for that. And there's nothing wrong with putting increased energy into work. Again, you can't be faulted for that. But that's not GAL. That's doing what you've done before, only differently.

GAL is definitely hard. But you have to take it head on. There's no half-GAL. You can still be a good father and be good at your job.

I made my conscience choice to GAL on 2/10. I've hung out with friends that I don't hang out with as much as I like. I work out 3-4 times per week (something I hadn't done since before I met W). If the weather were nice, I'd be golfing 1-2 times per week (which I have been lucky to do once per month the last few years). I've gone to a sports bar after work that I know a lot of people to watch some basketball games (nothing wrong with that as long as drinking and OW doesn't become an issue) and get some dinner (on nights when I don't have the kids).

The best part? I put it ALL on me & my wife's debit card/checking account. I'm not spending an outrageous amount of money or anything, but I work hard and we usually have plenty of spending cash. I know she looks at the account. And now she knows that I'm GAL because she can see that I'm spending money at the gym, she knows I'm spending money at GNC, she knows that I just bought some new golf clubs, she knows that I've gone out with my best friend a few times, she knows that instead of going to my parents after work when she has the kids and sobbing on my dinner plate, I'm going to a local sports bar to watch some basketball and eat some chicken wings. And I'm having a GREAT TIME DOING IT! And I know she notices because she has asked me about some of it. I'm not trying to rub it in her face. I'm just doing exactly what I would have done BEFORE I met her.

And on nights I have our children, I'm the best that I've ever been as a father. I make every second count. Not because I'm trying to save my marriage. But because I went from being with them 7 days/week, 52 weeks/year to 3-4 days/week, 52 weeks/year. When I go more than 48 hours without seeing them, I actually get physically ill. I hate every second of it. BUT, it's GAL that's helped me cope with that.

Didn't mean to make that lengthy but 25 is so right. Doing what you did before only in a different manner is not "change she can believe in." That's just smoke & mirrors.