MLC - I feel like d15 is choosing - herself - to be more with W. For instance, after the chess game yesterday, I asked if she wanted to watch "Russian Ark", but she said no thanks. It should also be said that d15 likes to be in her room, upstairs, which connects with the master bedroom with an open door. The women see and spend much time together (my W once described their R to her BF as very tight, saying she is d15's best friend; d15 is not a rebellious teenager, instead still likes to seek and get W's approval). When I came down to breakfast yesterday, the women had occupied the kitchen table, one on each side, W preparing for work, and d15 practicing French. I ate breakfast alone in my room.
I guess I am trying to say that W is not taking as much as d15 is choosing, and I am unfortunately the loser in it. Sure, I can ask W to push d15 more towards me, but d15 can of course say no. For instance, W encouraged d15 to spend the day skiing with me on Saturday, but d15 didn't want to, so I went to the movie myself.
Yes, r with d15 is very important to me, even though it seems to consist mostly of me missing her now. I don't see what to do but invite her to do different things. I've been trying to be easy and not put any pressure on - no expectations - but do find it tempting to reject the rejector, as sinful as that is in this context.
I just shared some old pictures and movies with the kids via the cloud, and texted daughter to wish her good luck on a French test today, plus to tell her that dinner is beet/caramelized onion tart.
When you say deep, I am not sure in which direction this should go. My past? My feelings (anger/sadness/love/frustration - not a pretty picture)? I do ask her about things, a la Dale Carnegie.
Sweden certainly has fewer opportunities to GAL and I feel constrained here. One big thing is working alone all day, at home, whereas I have my own (nice) office in the States, and am with others. I like the people I work with in the States and they seem to like me... my week-long Hungarian visitor told me that he like working with me a lot, which was very nice to hear.
I talked with a French friend here a bit yesterday; we'll hopefully play music together this coming weekend - his W liked the yoga I took her to last week. Also ran into an acquaintance on my walk yesterday and talked mtn bikes. I am debating whether to spill the beans to French friend.
As for seeking female company - I sleep at MIL's house when in the US - she would wonder where I was if I was gone for a night. And MIL is very kind to me, but my W does not much like or respect her, and keeps little contact.
I really do feel like d15 just prefers W, and consoled myself with hateful thoughts re W on my walk yesterday. d15 is free to choose, by law, who she wants to be with when she turns 16 (this week), and I imagine W will not feel bad if that happens to be with W.
Okay - meetup here I come over here. I generally find these easy to go to - and to talk to people there - but hit a point where revealing more about me is confusing. Facts and stories are okay to recount, but how about feelings and all the real stuff?
Apropos looks - wait till you see the Civil War style beard that I have now - the girls hate it!
Luke
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
