Good points here about both the D talk and the Kid talk. I agree!
About time leftover before the final D, I spoke to an attorney 2 weeks ago. It takes 2 months in this state but he told me he can certainly make it last about a year "sweetly" without pushing her buttons (Delaying paperwork, counter proposing items, etc...)
Ironically, he also told me to get the book "winning your W back before its too late..." by Gary Smaley as well the DB book by Michele Weiner-Davis. He told me his own wife divorced him 15 years ago and he got her back after close to a year by "taking it in the pants and not screaming" and practicing true agape love. Very interesting to see I got a counseling session out of an attorney visit. He told me he hopes to "never see me again" LOL
I have not finished your thread and don't know the rest of your story but 2 things struck me SO MUCH I had to speak now before I get through the whole thread or run out of time and go to bed...
1) I think you over simplified the troubles "at work" (b/c there was obviously a spill over at home, the controlling rude behavior sounds like the behavior of a bully. MAYBE that worked at a job...but maybe she saw things in you she didn't like, plus the behavior happened at home too (the criticisms of her food choices, changing channels, seem small but they WEAR on people, especially women who get belittled over time til there is no will left, to stay.
Be the best dad you can be right now b/c no woman is unmoved by the loving interaction of her children, with their father. It's a turn on and it's your best bet for now. DO NOT criticize them or raise your voice, etc. (Obviously don't do that to her either).
imo, you glossed over how odd it was for you not to have friends of your own, while resenting your w for having them, which was healthy of her). A friendless spouse, is a needy spouse. Plus, when someone has no friends, it usually says something about their personality or social skills
Time to Dig deep. Time to Be brave.
The successful stories here always include a LBS who has bravely faced some inner flaws. (The WAS is not here fighting for the m. The LBS is.)
So it's OUR Job to make our journey an inward one at first. It's our job to become the best man/woman we can become, the man/woman we were meant to be. Because...
No WAS returns to a marriage they left, UNLESS they believe
that the marriage will be better/different than before.
which requires change in the LBS.
2) IF you DO end up needing to file for D or respond to hers, hire THIS^^^ L.
I am a L myself. The one I hired for me (b/c I knew better than to represent myself) was a Godsend.
The day I went to file for D b/c I felt I had not choice, my L said "try filing for a sep instead..." which had no legal advantage, but she said
"I don't know about you guys divorcing... I think you have a chance at making this work. See if you can stick this out a little longer and see..." and she was right.
So, Your lawyer visit was a gift.
Okay, thats it for now. Back to your thread....
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
