H moving out tomorrow

[T-boned]

Hey TL, just now read your reply to my post. Sorry, it's been a short weekend - got home on Friday, had Saturday to get things done, and this afternoon I had to return to the area where I have been working out of town for the last couple of years. It's a 4 hour drive from my home to the hotel. Just got in and decided to check the boards.

Gosh, I know all the feelings you are having or had. It does get confusing trying to figure out if you are really being dark or not, but it sounds like you got it. And then tryiing to come to terms with their coldness, the wall they put up. One day, no, one minute you are their 'wife', best friend, and lover, then when you hear the ILYBNILWY it all changes. Yes, how do they just seem to put you at such a distance after all the years you have spent together? From what I understand it's just part of the MLC/WAS syndrome. And it isn't all you or what you did or didn't do - it's mainly within them.
Here's an explanation I found here a while back - has helped me a lot to read and reread on a regular basis:

"That's the way I used to look at it with my S, that I just couldn't understand why they would "throw away" financial security, a long relationship with a faithful spouse, a great home and retirement setup, etc. etc. for a fantasy life that exists only in their head. But the reality of it is that is how much the WAS hates their current life. They are so unhappy and miserable that they willingly give up all the good parts of the M to escape the bad parts. I've read many, many sitches here and the vast majority of the "faults" with the LBS center around simple, easy-to-solve issues. Yet the WAS insists these seemingly minor infractions can never be righted. So the LBS is left asking why? Why can't it be fixed? Why isn't the WAS willing to try? There is no reasonable answer to that question. What you have to understand is to the WAS, the way they feel is 100% real and accurate (to them). They feel so wronged that the only solution is to leave the M. It's not a decision they take lightly and they're constantly arguing with themselves internally over it. But they keep coming back to that as the only solution."

Don't know if that resonates with you, but it sure did with me. I have a few more I'll pass along as we go, but I thought maybe it would be something you might find some solace.

Sounds like you are doing well - I wish you strength tomorrow when you see your H. Everyone says to act happy and content when you see them. I still have a hard time with it - I'm pleasent but I know he can see I'm hurting. We've been together for 20+ years - he knows me too well for me to be that convincing. Detaching is the hardest thing - kind of requires you put up your own wall which I really hate doing.

As far as my house goes, it was appraised as part of a re-fi in my name. I would like to stay in the house. Just hope the equity isn;t too high - don't know if I can pay him off if it goes over a certain amount. Remains to be seen.

Hang in there, and protect your heart and yourself.
Again, good luck tomorrow. I'll be curious to see how it went.((Hugs))