MH you still have your W in the house with you and so, you have time and opportunity to "show" what you are about and what you are interested in. Show her who you are and further more, becomes someone you enjoy being. and...don't do it because it'll win her back...just do it because it'll "win you back"
By 'offering help' in my previous post I am referring to offering unsolicited help.
In the days just before my W's planned exit(the week after thanksgiving) we hosted a our thanksgiving meal at our house for her parents. After dinner she was going to the barn to finish evening chores. She asked me to load water canteens that are heavy into the back of her truck at the house. I was in "helpful mode" thinking it would show her something. I offered to come to the barn and do chores with her and off load the water jugs there. She declined. she only wanted me to do what SHE ASKED for. I overextended and offered the rest. She was not happy with that at all.
Over the months that we've been living separately, mr helper came out again 3 times. All were refused (politely mind you...but nonetheless...refused).
Looking back on it now, my W was shredding me to people including my kids. She was completely and utterly unhappy with me and her "life". My offers to help looked needy or pursuit -like. do what she asks and be great at that. don't add your own ideas to it. Trust me. it doesn't win you any points.
I recently filed for D. I wanted to be free of my bond for reasons I won't delve into here on your thread. Looking back at the years of struggling with her at home, I now see some missed things that might have made a different. Although I think what happened to me and W was really inevitable. she had her own demons and I wanted her to be someone she was not. That's not a recipe for success.
If you started as friends and you truly loved one another at some point...and things just "changed" over time, you have a chance. you have a better chance than if she's not living with you. Pick you battles wisely and stop telling your W things she already heard...like, "...I want to be a family..." I did it too. She already knows. trust me she's not deaf.
please do not take my words as harsh. They are only said with passion so that you "hear" me. many of us wish we had the chance you do now.
be confident, courteous and consistent. be you best you because it makes YOU happy.
blue skies
me: 47, W:49 M 16.5 years T 17 years Three kids - D17,D14, S13 Heart 2 heart about M 11/8/13 Bomb drop 11/29/13 W moved out 12/5/13 I Retained L 2/20/14 D filed 3/17/14
