2nd time around part 2

[2Times2Many]

Hi 2nd. So sorry you are in my club ... same amount of time, too. About 7 years.

My H and are just beginning the D path.

Yesterday, he finally opened up some and I had the opportunity to ask him why he thought we ended up here. He told me the same thing. He said OW was not the reason. He said things were not good before that happened, that he wasn't looking, that it just happened. So that seems to be sort of common, I suppose. I'm not sure why. I am fairly certain OW is still in the picture, but he will lie and say she isn't and she wasn't/isn't the reason he wants D. I think they are trying to convince themselves more than us. I think they want to believe that what they are doing is more than just lust ... that it has deeper meaning. I console myself by just thinking that things can't be all that great if they have to work so hard to convince themselves life is/will be so much better without us.

I understand about the difficulty of going dim. H and I don't have kids to discuss and it's still difficult. It's difficult for me because I am not a mean or cruel person and it seems rude to just ignore someone. But, because of that, we've ended up playing the distancer/pursuer game repeatedly. He is a master of drawing me back into his web. And no matter how hard I try, no matter how clear the pattern is to me, it is so hard to remain in the position of distancer.

I hope you and I find success because they do need to learn what life will be like without us.

Good luck and hugs.

2T2M