still hopeful... no matter where life takes me

[juliegayle]

Last night I feel like I took 10 giant steps backwards and fell off a cliff into a pit of snakes. It is seriouloy like I was jumping up and down to get back on the roller coaster I worked so hard to get off.

And it was so pointless. .

I worked all day yesterday and when I got home interactions with h were civil bordering on pleasant. He wanted to chit chat. We talked about some books we had been reading and about the dogs. A few other bits of small talk. I guess my first mistake was letting my guard down and let his momentary good mood lead the show ..

...because the same thing always happens. It seems whenever he starts to let me in even a little he then has to bend over backwards to show me how much he truly hates me.

The older boys and I were getting ready to play a board game and ss15 suggested we invite h. He said yes and than we waited 30 min for him to join us. Within 5 min he was complaining about us watching a movie while we played. The kids and I were laughing and joking around and h was getting more and more agitated.

Then, seemingly out of nowhere and in front of the kids he says "I hope you are enjoying this because it won't last for long.
He then starts going off on how I will never see the step kids again and they wont want to see me anyway. And I have no idea how much he hates me etc. Etc. I am just trying to stay calm and diffuse the situation. But when ss15 comes back into room and tells his dad that he can't control them and they will see me I broke down and started crying. As I left the room I hear ss15 continue to argue with h.

I know what I need to do .. detach detach detach. Recognize the pattern and not get sucked in again. Find a L that will do a free consultation.