Your first line is "moving forward," but the rest of your post talks about your H visiting, you emailing your H once a week, you moving to H's town, you refusing to take H's money to which you are legally entitled, expecting to hug/kiss hello and goodbye, asking him to spend time with you at the house that you are sad to be selling, etc.
Are you really moving forward? You didn't mention anything you are doing for yourself, other than running.
Quote:
I thought a lot and being antagonistic will not achieve my goal. He is more open to listening now that I am agreeing with him.
This stuck out to me, Lou. There is a lot of space between being antagonistic and agreeing to whatever your H wants. Please just keep in mind that the emotions you are feeling right now will not last forever, but the terms of your D (if it gets to that) will.
I'm a little confused about the process there - you said your H won't withdraw the separation paperwork, but that you decided to stop the process? What are you able to stop on your own? Just not taking the money?
Why does your H visit some weekends? Is it to see you, or is there another reason he needs to be there? Since DB, has your H ever said he wants to work on the M?
I think it's great to have hope, but it sounds to me like you have a lot of expectations attached to that hope. If I am being honest, I'm not sure it's possible to have hope without expectations. I have finally dropped my expectations, but I also have no hope anymore. Before that, I had hope, and would be disappointed when my hopes were dashed, which tells me I had expectations, too.
Maybe a vet will stop in and explain how one can untangle the two.
Is it necessary for you to move to H's town and take the new job? Can you stay where you are, or find another job elsewhere? If your H disappeared off the face of the earth, what would you do? I am worried that you have a lot of expectations of what might happen if you move nearer to your H. Do you think it's possible that being closer to him (and OW) might make things worse?
So, Lou, tell us what you are doing for you!! What's good in your life right now?
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
