Part 2-H moving out

[Georgiabelle]

Thanks so much for the feedback, Job. I do have a questions. H said I was emotionally unavailable for the last couple of years. However, he knows that I love him and that I want the R to work even though he says we are done. I do see him for a few minutes almost daily and I have not initiated conversations. Some days he says hi and some days he doesn't. I let him say hi first. I'm pleasant but most days I say nothing other than bye when I'm leaving or answer a questions if he has one. If I do answer the question, I get the old eye roll or look that indicates I'm Satan.

I feel like he left and wants to be on his own. That I just need to be pleasant and leave him alone. I discuss nothing and initiate no contact unless it involves if he is actually coming to pick up the kids. I feel like he if he has something to say, he will say it. If he wants to talk to me he will.

I feel like it is some of my previous behavior but h and I always talked and laughed a great deal. Laughter has not been shared by us in a while:)

I'm just a little out of sorts these last few days. Getting ready to go out of town for work for a few days and just want to get away.

I'm just trying to let him be.

[job]

Georgia,
Just leave him be. Could he be projecting on to you the fact that he was emotionally unavailable to you instead of the other way around? There are times when they project on to us what they have actually done or thinking of doing.

If you are pleasant and say hi or goodbye and just discuss the children, then you are doing what you need to do. If you want to try something different, wish him a nice day (with a smile) and walk out the door. He's still trying to find his way and most likely if you were to attempt to chat him up, he would not tell you much and be paranoid that you are now acting differently and think you are quizzing him.

Laugher is something you won't hear from the mlcer for a long time. They are in depression and they have to have that anger close to the surface in order to around us for any length of time. If their masks slip and they begin to thaw out their hearts and souls just a wee bit, they'll quickly disappear and have to go back into deep freeze because they can't be nice to us, it's not the way of the crisis individual.

Even though you are going out of town for work, travel safely and try to enjoy your time away.

[Georgiabelle]

Thanks Job. Had an issue yesterday. My 2 older kids go to a small private school and have to take their lunch. D9 left hers on counter. When getting out of car, d asked her dad if he grabbed her lunch (yes, I know she should have grabbed it). He said no and he wasn't going to get it and closed door. H works right next door to school and across street from a grocery store. He could have given her a couple of dollars but instead S10 shared his lunch with her. I would tell you I'm shocked h did that, but eh, this is par for the course. Him being cold to the kids is difficult to take.

They won't see him for the rest of the week so he came this am and took them for a couple of hours. I had to practically beg S10 to be nice and go. I see h, and even though he is being a mega tool , I feel sorry for him. H is so very sensitive and well, he can be tough to look at in his state. But , I have to leave him alone and let him be.

Anyway, kids will be with h's parents this week (he won't speak to them now) and I'm off to Vegas for work. Hope everyone is well.

[bluesgal]

GB,
I just caught up on your switch and noticed we have a lot of similarities. I got bomb drop when folding laundry too!
You are handling yourself really well and I feel for your poor kiddos.
My H anger is always just under the surface and can come out of nowhere.
I no longer recognize him anymore.
Job has given some great advice and thoughts. These mlcers cause so much pain.

[Georgiabelle]

Thanks for popping by Bluesgal. I have a ton of stuff going tutu my head and I just need to relax. Rome wasn't built in a day and I know I'm getting a much needed lesson in patience. But, it an be very trying as we all know !

[Georgiabelle]

I hate being in a funk. I thought I was doing well but I started crying at the airport. I know. Crack out the 2x4s but my mind is racing with how will I feel this Christmas? Last year it was right after BD. Oh and my birthday is in December. I know I'm 9 months ahead.

I'm just struggling with how we got here. I know our marriage had issues, but I thought we just "got" each other and would work on us soon. Crazy house with 3 kids, 2dogs and a cat. How ridiculously arrogant of me to think we would never be facing a d..... UGH. Sorry. Had to vent.

[job]

It's okay. No 2x4's from me. You are going to have ups and downs for quite some time. Feel the pain, allow it to wash over you and then release it.

None of us thought we would be here, but you have to remember...your marriage isn't the problem. The problems are his and his alone. Every marriage has ups and downs and most things are correctable. Unfortunately w/the crisis person, they don't see things that way because they are operating on emotions, not rational thinking.

Please be gentle w/yourself. I do hope that getting away will give you a little bit of relief and hopefully you'll feel much better by the time you get to your destination.

Travel safely.

[TL72*]

Georgiabelle,
I can relate, I was doing fine all week (he moved out last Saturday) and today I cried for no reason at all. Well I have reason but have been trying to keep busy and stay positive. Then it just hits you. I felt the same way - we had a connection, we could look at each other and know what the other was thinking at the store or public place, like a telepathy. Now it's like I don't know him at all. I never thought it would come to this either. I'm told it gets easier, just have to keep busy and keep GAL. Mine faked it through Christmas and dropped the bomb a few days after New Years. Here I thought we were having such a nice holiday...NOT. I guess it's only natural that we feel the way we do and we can't rush the healing. one day at at time, just keep on livin'! It is exhausting.

[paul19510]

BG. I've cried during the middle of the night the past 3 nights. The anger and hurt that came out needed to. I woke up happy. while in tears I pictured my pain bubbling up out of me like the heated vents at Yellowstone might do....Not the Geysers but the bubbling stuff that comes up slowly out of the ground.

My W and I are still emotionally connected. I am a Pisces and am very feeling. I've always been able to "sense my W" Sounds strange but over the years, its actually been true and she's proved it without my mentioning to her. I can still 'feel her' when she hurts. last night it was overwhelming. I wanted to text her to let her know I "felt" it. I didn't. It makes no difference now...

Sounds strange...? Trust me, its weird living it too.

Feel the pain, its ok. this situation is difficult. No 2X4's for you. its OK....in fact its better than OK to hurt. You are human.

I still have momentary flickers of "OMG what just happened....I'll just call her and we'll straighten this out..."

It happened after my dad died 25 years ago too. I swore he was going to walk in the door sometimes.

Whatever happens, you'll handle it. you are stronger than you ever realized. when the pain comes, and it will come, feel it. then let it fly away and remember how strong and vibrant you are.

(((GB)))

[Georgiabelle]

Thank you for your kind words Job, TL, and Paul. I really so appreciate them right now.

Job, special shout out to you. You have such an eloquent, gentle way to state things. Thank you so much