Moving forward. .I am not sure how and would value other perspectives and experiences. The letter from my lawyer to his and to him , was to my mind aggressive. I thought a lot and being antagonistic will not achieve my goal. He is more open to listening now that I am agreeing with him.I think I am fortunate that nothing further can happen until November. After a lot of thought and discussion with my counselor I decided to stop the process. Here it means that he does not have to pay me 3/7 of hjs usual financial support for 12 months. It felt wrong and I have worked so hard to maintain a positive relationship the last months . This chasing money when he already pays all the mortgage seemed wrong when financially I don't HAVE to have it.I had asked him to withdraw the formal separation paperwork he said no so I had intended to go ahead with the process but changed my mind. I feel ok about it except when I told him he was angry and said that this is the problem , he doesn't know what to believe, that is why he can't trust me. Yes before you check my thread folks he is having the affair not me. I am trying to figure out that thinking. He was friendly when we spoke on the phone and now does not share what he and the OW have planned for the weekend. He used to tell me and it sure was not good for detaching. My coach's advise is conversation light and breezy which is fine except when I mention my new hobby of running long distance he gets annoyed because I did not run wirh him.He didn't run though..does now with the OW but never asked me..I am confused by his reaction.
The other issue is he visits for a weekend and we always end up in relationship talk..how do I avoid that. He said it is weird to do things like movies together .We went to dinner with friends last time and that was good
except the old issues for him wers raised when we were home. Not in angef but still emotionally exhausting.
He feels weird hugging or kissing hello and good bye though to be fair that was something he had to learn early in our relationship. .his family is odd.
Any advice for weekend visits.When I ask what he wants to do says it is up to me. So to me he seems detached. I am trying but always good at it. I tell him I look forward to his visits.
I am willing to visit him but he didn't want me in his apartment. I did that once and not again. I will visit if he can spend the time with me. He said he will find weekends that work?
I move to the town in summer. .new job..planned before his affair. He wants me to not think we can repair tbe relationship ( so.ethi gI mentioned before DB) I have agreed it would be a bad idea. Which is ot quite truthful .I do want a relationship...just a different one. so experts where am I ? Any thing positive here or is it as black and deep and hopeless as it feels most days...before I put on my happy face and act like it is ok?
What do I do with the weekends? I had to find photos of our house so we can sell it. I told him how sad that made me..I know a mistake. Seeing pictures where he seemed happy but apparently was miserable. ..tough... I email once a week friendly about the dog garden etc.. we talk once or maybe twice each weekend. .I feel like friendly contact is ok.AmI right? Or am I pretending to myself. I asked if he could spend some days here in April to get ready to move.It is tr ky.One complaint was I was always controlling but this is an enormous house, we have to move and he is not thinking about it .This would be fine except I will deal with the stress because he will not be here! I feel like I spin and spin...I have some good forum friends, my counselor is working on me and apart from that no one knows how my life is.. gets heavy but seems like few people except the people here think a marriage is possibleafter an affajr...ma6be they are right?
