Beersha - I know that it is so hard. We have all been there. But you have to tell yourself that this is going to be a marathon not a sprint. You need to throw out any timeline that you may have in your head as to when your H may change or when your H may notice your changes.
At the beginning of this I would go a week and then break down and send my H a text similar to the one you sent. And the time my H would only talk to me via text. I would lose it, he would get more angry and then I would feel worse.
At the beginning of the month (I think it was Oct ) I printed out a calendar and crossed off each day that I did not reach out to my H or breakdown. My goal was to make it 30 days. I called and made myself an appointment for a massive at the end of the month as my goal. And I made it . I will tell you that my H did not say anything about my changes that month. There was just less drama. It took him until the end of Nov to let his guard down a bit.
My point is that is takes months for them to see consistent changes. You need to stay consistent. Right now you know that what you have been doing is not working. So try something new because you have nothing to lose. Figure out a way to implement the changes. Everyone is different so find something to motivate you. I promise that after a while you won't be focused on whether your h notices because you will be so proud of yourself
