I've been relaxing and thinking about all this. Something doesn't add up. I'm thinking there is a family get together and Smokey either hasn't been honest about his lack of seeing D11 OR his fam is putting pressure on him to see D11. Something or someone is putting Smokey under pressure. I wouldn't be surprised if "lunch" is a family lunch with his parents and SIL and BIL.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Heather, I am keeping you and your daughter in my prayers today. I pray that everything will be okay and he will act civil upon arrival.
Please stop trying to figure out the why's of this visit and his insistence to take her to lunch. There could be any number of reasons for this...but you may not find out until after he leaves, if he manages to get her to go w/him.
Stay cool, calm and collected. Don't let him ruffle your feathers.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thank you Job and Wonka for all your support last night and this morning. It means so much to me.
He really scared me last night. But, I'm not scared today.
D11 is refusing to get dressed. If you recall, his last text was..."Whatever, have her ready."
Well, she is refusing to get ready. I'm not reacting. I'm taking it calm and easy. I keep reminding her how she can handle whatever and it's only lunch. I did ask, "Is this really something you feel you need to argue about? It's just lunch."
D11: I don't want to go to lunch with him. I want to stay here and watch my movie.
I could hear the Asperger's meltdown beginning. I backed way off and told her that I trust she can handle whatever she and her dad decide.
????
I took a bubble bath and I'm picking up the house some.
Hopefully, the car will be ready this afternoon.
In other news, my mom and Justin Bieber share a birthday. I find that really amusing.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
I may send him a text to tell him that she is refusing to get ready. I don't want him storming in here and demanding her to get ready and so forth.
I don't know.
Still, he has never had to really handle her meltdowns. At 11, they are about 1/3 of what they used to be. She is a tough cookie. And, she is very, very angry.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Hi Heather... if I were you, I'd let Smokey know the challenges you are facing with her this morning, and the fact that her friend is there until 3. Maybe see if he has any flexibility for a late lunch... maybe she will be more inclined to visit with him if her friend is gone.
Good luck
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
So why haven't you gone to the courts regarding your H's drug problem? You created your first thread a year and a half ago. And now that he might come pick up your D high, NOW you're all of a sudden worried?
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
Meant to say "has asked to physically somewhere"...
There's this delicate balance with Smokey. On the one hand, if you don't scare him, he will sit with the status quo for, like, forever... He is a stoner and doesn't really take action on most things. It's how he's always been.
The status quo, for us, meant he stays away until someone in his family pushes him to take some action. The status quo has been good for me and the girls because we can live our life without him interfering and we've all done well with this set up.
When I spoke to the attorney I liked the best, as far as family issues/addiction is concerned, he said that there was little I could do without pushing Smokey hard. He said, in a divorce, I could force the drug issue, but, even then, chances are, because he holds down a job and has no record of DUI's or possession or anything...that, the most that could happen would be a court ordered assessment and some possible drug tests. But, the drug tests wouldn't go on forever without some sort of criminal activity to back it up.
Pushing Smokey hard, like we saw this week, has its own ramifications. He pushes back. And, then, things get very topsy turvy for everyone.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
