melissa #999

[labug]

I'm going to jump in here and then I too will let it go.

You have been hit with a lot and our spouses often do disappoint us during this crazy emotional time but it only takes one person to calm that rising tide of emotion.

I do hope that you and your H can work out custody/parenting issues and not let it get to court because we all know that hardly ever works out well for the kids.

This sentence jumped out at me before I read Ad's post above,

Ad, it is possible that I could do this. Yes. I could certainly try my best. But let's be honest here - perhaps I am not a perfect (or even good) communicator, but the emotional reactions are coming mostly from my H, not me. Even if I communicated with him in an ideal manner, I can't make him stop the way he talks or thinks.

I think that's the disconnect, no one is suggesting you make him stop the way he talks or thinks, in fact that's the exact opposite of what you should be trying to do. We control no one but ourselves, and in being able to thoughtfully respond rather than react, it changes the dynamic (DB101) and he may choose to respond differently. What have you got to lose?

I'll answer the question you asked Ad, I'm sure she may come back and answer it with her experience.

I have mush less emotional reaction to events these days, and when I do, it's much less. When I feel it and I feel it in my chest and stomach first, (remember way back when I asked where you first felt the anxiety)that's my signal to slow down, back off, shut up. BREATHE! and do a little self-check, what am I feeling and why.

I was in a meeting this week and I popped off at someone, I felt the anxiety and ignored it. I've been under the weather this week, defenses down, but still.

That's not who I want to be.

What's a bug post without a quote? The foundation of adult trust is not "You will never hurt me." It is "I trust myself with whatever you do. David Richo