melissa #999

[adinva]

Hi Again. First of all, I'm so sorry for how your H is disappointing you. No one would expect that from their spouse and it hurts. It is awful and I hope your lawyer works it out so that you have everything your kids and you are entitled to.

I'm going to try again, in case I was too fuzzy, and then I'll let it go for a while...

(Adinva, my H is trying to dicker it out in emails so that I will agree to something (and settle without the court having anything to do with it) that he knows damn well is way short of reality.)

I was aware of that. But nothing about him trying to do that requires you to participate in it.

I'm glad you are turning that stuff over to the Ls.

Ad, it is possible that I could do this. Yes. I could certainly try my best. But let's be honest here - perhaps I am not a perfect (or even good) communicator, but the emotional reactions are coming mostly from my H, not me. Even if I communicated with him in an ideal manner, I can't make him stop the way he talks or thinks.

I'm glad you see that. It doesn't change what I said, it supports my point that it would be very helpful for you to learn how to be less reactive in communication. I didn't mean to suggest that it would make him do anything. It would make you a better relationship partner and better at handling communication however it comes at you, with all kinds of people, even (especially) unreasonable people. Without letting them make you crazy.

I feel like I'm being a jerky broken record, maybe because I feel like I see something that people once helped me to see, and it feels important to me to pass it on to you. You may see it later; I know you have your hands full. Hang in there, I'll be rooting for you.