Four weeks in, hopeful but just starting!

[KGirl]

No, it's not unreasonable but you're not in a healthy marriage right now. I don't understand the "I don't want to give him the wrong idea"???

Maybe I'm taking the DR advice too literally. The book and the boards talk about how changes need to be for you and not just to get the other person back. I guess I'm seeing ignoring where he's going/not asking him when and where he'll be back as being purely to get him back because that is NOT a change I would keep if we were to R. Giving him the "wrong idea" is in the sense that he'll think "awesome, I can do what I want and don't have to answer to anything, maybe this CAN work if this is what she'll be like!" and it is NOT what I would be like.

What do you love about your H-not the H you met in the beginning, but the current version. What makes him a good match for you, right now, today?

This is a tough thing to answer. If I'm thinking literally right now, today, really not much. I don't think someone who walks away when it gets tough, who isn't willing to even talk about things, and who when they DO make a "decision" won't follow through on it is not someone that is a good match for me or who I want to be with. If I think more generally about who my H is especially pre-BD... I made a list of those things this afternoon, probably don't need to jam up my post with posting them all Not sure that it helped clarify anything for me. Mostly made me sad because the things I love are inaccessible right now. For example, I wrote that I H and I each know a lot about our own different "thigs" and I love that he can fill me in on sports stuff and I can fill him in on changes at our alma mater (where I work). Or, that I think he's attractive and that I love our "physical" interactions But none of that stuff is happening today... we only talk at a very superficial and otherwise navigate around the house like cordial roommates. Not much I love about that situation right now.