melissa #999

[Underdog]

AD--Great points. And a good story with lessons learned. I think that many of us here lived lives where we wanted/needed/craved control, especially where the kids were concerned.

I am happy to report that most of my control issues were unwarranted and never came to roost. But then again, I got a new one. Melissa knows that my H likes to take my developmentally disabled D16 to bars with him to watch him play his guitar or watch one of his friends play. She's been doing it a long time, and while it bothers me on the surface, the band members are really nice to her and pretty much everyone knows. Her name. Norm...

Anyhoo, I see your point in giving his ideas merit. While the thought of boarding school really bristles me, I get it. Give in. See if it's not the issue but the dance. Knowing what kind of law her H practices, it's probably not going to happen that he'll even really want 50/50 time.

I do think that with some time and practice and maybe even a break from dealing with her H that Melissa will be able to do this without reacting emotionally. I just don't think it's realistic for her to expect to overcome these hurdles overnight. So maybe until she gets good at reading the situation and being able to accurately predict outcomes, the best bet is to let the L deal with dissolving the business part of their marriage while they attempt to find new ground in parenting. That's going to be hard enough.

I will say that you're getting better at predicting outcomes, Melissa. Even when faced with advice from us here. You realize that not answering him sends him into a tailspin. That's helpful all by itself. So the secret to managing this aspect of his spew is to answer him - even with a non answer. Whoever said in response to his friends jab, "I agree that we should parent together as cordially as possible" is the perfect example of that. You're not being goaded into the friends discussion, but reiterating that you want cooperation and harmony. And if that's the best you can do right now, then it is what it is.

AD, this whole thing started when Melissa went to a L who gave her some general ideas of what she was entitled to receive. And that's when she filed for S. Then her H went to an attorney, and he is obviously nervous that she's entitled to half his partnership. He knows full well it is worth something, hence this sort of combat tactic to strong arm her into thinking his way. It will all come out in the wash.

So in the end, give it to the lawyers. And you parent with him the best way possible.

Back to donning some purple glasses. I love purple! I can promise you that my next pedicure will include purple OPI polish and something baseball themed for the design. It's my "usual" for my birthday, which is usually right around opening day. Anytime, you got a date (if your S7 isn't around). I'll buy the beer!

Betsey