I think Melissa's H being an a$s is a given. It is what it is.
Melissa: learning not to be reactive is a skill and it can be developed with practice. Going ahead and reacting, and saying you can't help it because that's how you are, is not helpful. Learn, practice, plan, fail, try again, make progress.
The CD set I recommended is worth every penny.
Agreement stuff goes to the lawyers. Obviously he is misinformed or you are. Just give it straight to the lawyers with out a thought.
And my opinion: focus on what is best for your kids, really best for them. They are darn lucky to have a dad who is willing to have them 50% of the time. I know you think that's time away from you, but it should not be about you, it should be about the kids and what is best for them. The only question about his 50% is, is he able to manage his work and lifestyle to meet their needs for that much of the time? If you can avoid getting combative with him over it, and keep both of your focus on what the kids NEED, what is BEST for them, that would be ideal.
The reason that part spoke to me is that my H and I had become polar opposites on anything related to our kids. The nicer I was the meaner he was. The more I wanted them with me the more he spoke about boarding school. I was so used to reacting to whatever he said and feeling outraged and thinking he was horrible...that I couldn't see my way clear to what the kids needed. I just thought they needed whatever I wanted. My IC asked me to consider, well, do they need boarding school, can we afford boarding school, what would that do for them?
They are not going to boarding school. The point was I was so used to demonizing H's ideas about the kids that I wasn't willing to consider if his ideas might have some merit.
When there's a lot of spew going on, it becomes a lot harder to see what merit might be in there. That's where the skills come in.
Practice, how will you handle the next inflammatory email you know is coming? Insisting that you will only speak through lawyers is valid...if you cannot learn to communicate with him without reacting emotionally. I think you can.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
