It's OK to wonder all those things about someone who would hurt us so much. We all do.
But keep in mind he's in transition. He's not who he was, and not who he will be a year from now. (Hmmm, it's a lot like puberty, isn't it?) And you are still attached and acting emotionally. And you haven't fully come to terms yet with what got you here.
I think for now, you have to stay the course. Learn to detach, become rational rather than emotional so you can figure out your part in this and become a better you. Then, when you "find that someone who deserves you", you'll be ready and wise enough to never end up here again. And maybe that someone will be your H.
