So I saw my lawyer, and feel a bit better. He can't legally pull the rug from beneath my feet financially. But basically she said we are still stuck until he wants to talk. Mediation is compulsory here before anything else can happen. But seeing as he avoids all contact, I'm not sure how that will go. I've been trying to leave it up to him to organise the next steps in this process, since he is the one who wants it. I've been doing fairly well DBing. It's easy when he never contacts me or the kids. We never see him, and he very rarely even texts to see how the kids are. It's so hard on them. They have no idea where or why Daddy has disappeared. Do I push that we tell them do we can start dealing with the problems it will bring properly? Not doing do well GALing. I always have the kids, and there is no money for babysitters. I have hobbies I can do at home, but they are all solitary things, and I know I need new people in my life.
I have few friends living in the city where we are, and no family. He has an Uncle and done cousins who we have become close too, em specially the kids. They are aware of what is happening, but still want to see us. H is avoiding all contact with them. They invited us over for a BBQ the past 2 nights. It was really nice, lots of people round and the kids had a great time. But it was also uncomfortable. Nobody wanted to mention the elephant in the room. And it hurt me, as we've also attended these things as a family. It may be silly but what really got to me was when I got the kids home they were all asleep in the car, and I had to carry them all in by myself.
I am trying not to think about him, or who/what he is doing. He is putting very sexually explicit jokes and pictures on Fb. Which is very unlike him got starters but it also upsets me, as is that what he wants now? To sleep around with women who do anything he requests in the bed room? He used to complain I wasn't ' adventurous' enough. But to be it was a time to reconnect, show our love physically. You can't do that when your hanging from the chandelier.
I had a big cry yesterday afternoon. It really feels like he is gone. I don't understand how he is surviving, with no money, none of his things, but i am trying to tell myself that isn't my concern. He has a home here if he chooses to return to it. People have said that will be his catalyst for changing our situation. When he needs money. I originally thought our would be our kids, he would miss them, he would see the negative affect this is having and agree to try to work it out. At this point I can't see him wanting to work it out due to his pride. He has been only talking to/staying with/borrowing money from his work colleagues. They work very closely together, and knowing him, he would feel like he can't 'back down' in front of them or lose face. I don't understand them though either. Wouldn't you lose respect for someone who can just walk away with no contact from his wife and 3 children?
