I'm very sorry you chose to do that the hard way. But I understand -- I did the same thing myself. But now you should have a pretty good grasp on the fact that you have absolutely no control over what she does or how she rationalizes it, and that you must detach and focus on you and kids. Otherwise, you'll just tie yourself in knots. You have to use the time to prepare yourself for whatever comes out the other end of this process, and that is really, really hard, because you want to imagine that it can only have a happy ending. It may or may not, and even if you do R, you need to be better at M than you are now. I used to think that these just sounded like a bunch of platitudes, but really when you stop doing what is known not to work, and start focusing on what has had impact in success stories, you're pretty much left with Detach, GAL, improve you, shore up the R with your children.
