Ok, I texted again, but I took your advice Job. I hope it calms him a bit.
Me: I know you want to reconnect with Louisa and I want that too. I do. But, maybe come, see how things are going and then ask if she wants to go to lunch. It will take time to rebuild, please allow her this time.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Heather, Here's another suggestion and it just might work. Instead of him taking her out to lunch, why not have a nice lunch prepared there for them to sit down and eat together? That way she is still in her "safe" environment and you aren't too far away.
I realize you probably don't want to do this...but I'm trying to think of ways to bridge the gap and make it more pleasant for your daughter.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
There's also the issue of him being high. I seriously doubt he will be sober when he comes. Ask for a drug test before he drives her anywhere. I'm not bringing this up just yet. I will wait til I hear from him.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
He is really liking this court threat right now. Maybe that's all he has left. He doesn't scare me like he used to and he's hurt me in every other way.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Yes, he's using the court card quite a bit. Maybe you need to call his bluff on it. He knows he doesn't have any more rabbits to pull out of the hat. BTW, I think the court would listen to your 11 yr old daughter about her thoughts on her situation w/her father because she's old enough to know what is going on and have her own independent thoughts about things.
I just wanted to give you an additional option, even though I know you probably didn't like it...but at least you can dangle that carrot to see if he'll take a bite out of it.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I agree. Obviously,there are ways to figure this out. He's scared. So, he is bullying. He's trying to bully me because that's what has worked in the past. Problem is, he is running out of threats. He knows I'm not scared of him leaving forever anymore.
In the past, the more frightened he is, the more he pushes and bullies and tries to scare.
I would almost welcome the court's help right now. It reminds me of when D19 went to jail. Probation served as a parent and I wasn't parenting this angry girl alone anymore. I kinda feel the same way with Smokey. The court could help D11 and take some stress off of me. It would mean the well-documented drug use would be out there and no longer a secret. It would mean I could push for counseling. We have a counselor we used in the past who had Smokey's number. She has been in town for 30 years and knows the court system here. I may need to get D11 back into to see her.
I'm the one who suggested visitation because of his inconsistent visits/contact, I've encouraged counseling for him and the girls together. It's been Smokey who has resisted. In the long run, the idea of the courts being involved should really scare him more than me. He may even get forced to get some help. Wishful thinking.
He doesn't scare me anymore. I'm ok. Holy Shid!! I'm not scared. More annoyed than anything. I was scared this morning. But, right now, I'm ok. He's a scared little man trying to push his way through so he can feel the least amount of uncomfortable.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
So, I had five students, including the difficult boy and his nanny. As the day was cranking up, I was handling the Jeep issue by calling the mechanic and the gas station and yadda, yadda, and figuring out how to get my keys TO THE JEEP and/or mechanic when I'm stranded. Asked a student's mom to help.
In addition, Smokey wants to pick up the taxes tomorrow and I found some more receipts needing added to the paperwork. Had to get in touch with the bookkeeper and get the info over to her.
Taught everybody spelling, math, reading, grammar, read Walden, read Johnny Tremain aloud... Dealt with a parent and questions about a reading contest we are having AND, dealt with a teen student who is having some sort of breakdown--all teary. She said she'd text me later about what is going on.
Made a bank deposit from my phone.
Dealt with Smokey, but never heard anything back. Who knows?? But, gave D11 the lowdown about how her dad wants to take her to lunch. She put her foot down in the way I suspected she would.
I have four stories waiting for me in tech writing.
Had some playful flirting through text with the Forester.
At one point, Smokey was texting, I was talking to the mechanic, texting the Forester and teaching all the while I was planning in my head how to get my keys to the mechanic.
Now, everyone is gone. I'm exhausted. Plan on ordering pizza, but I kinda need to know the mechanic is able to get the car started and get it to his shop or my house. I hate to order pizza before I know how much this will cost. Still, I can't get to the grocery anyway and I need to feed D11.
Not sure if i'm forgetting anything. I'm loaded for firewood for the weekend. I guess that sums it up.
Smokey's a dick.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Well done! See, you can multitask and nothing got screwed up today! Everything fell into place and one of the mom's helped you out.
You should think about getting the movie about Johnny Tremain. I remember watching it as a kid. Boy, that brought back a lot of good memories for years ago. LOL!
You will probably need to have a little chat w/your daughter before her father comes about her attitude. I know why she feels the way she does, but it's only going to make matters worse if she comes across as being stubborn or angry w/him because they both will end up that way and nothing will be accomplished.
Order pizza and enjoy your evening. At least it's Friday night and you can put your feet up for a bit later this evening and just relax.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I need to remember tomorrow that Smokey's fear, anger, guilt, shame, etc... it HIS, NOT MINE. I'm so good at picking up on negative feelings and absorbing them. He knows how to throw it all my way too.
I'm NOT getting hooked tomorrow. He can feel his crappola feelings that are a result of his sh!t, I'm not doing it. I plan on enjoying this weekend and writing my little fingers to the bone so I have money for the vacation. :-)
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
