Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I just need to check in before I get ready for a really busy day.
Job, I took a longa$$ nap and, then, couldn't sleep. I think I was also worried about today because I need to get the Jeep towed, fixed and I have a houseful of students today. Very busy day. Very and I'm dreading it. Ugh.
CC, thanks for your suggestion. I am familiar with AlAnon. Been a member off and on for 20 years or so. Still find them attractive though!! Damn alkies are just so cute and funny.
I think I attract men who are unavailable and have these problems for many reasons. Just one of the reasons has to do with the fact that having a man give himself to me fully, completely, all in...scares the he!! outta me. And, I'm not convinced I deserve this type of attention from someone who I seem to think is so cool...Almost like, if I really dig someone, then I think he can't possibly love me! Like I don't deserve a really great guy to love me so deeply.
I need to look at this one...
Also, I want to work on this idea that I have to have some deep meaningful, commitment-laden relationship with every guy I meet. One of things that I've enjoyed is how it sorta fell into my lap and I went with it.
I enjoy the Forester's company. I want to be satisfied with that without the pressure for more. Neither one of us in a position for more anyway. I want to be able to date men without pushing so hard for some commitment. I look back and I see how I did this with Smokey. I was afraid to lose him and share him and so I pushed. I think I, partly, enjoy the pursuit, it's challenging to go after a guy who is so unavailable. Like somehow it proves that I really AM desirable if I can get these guys who can't commit to commit. Wow. That's revealing. Like I feel I have to prove I'm all that and then some. See World! I can get so-and-so and tame him because I'm such a sexy fabulous woman.
That's a big reveal.
Throughout this MLC journey, I've learned how I am so pushy and needy because I'm afraid if I don't get some sort of written in stone commitment, then it means the relationship doesn't mean anything?? Or I'm not ok?? Like I still NEED someone. But, I don't.
Anyway, have to shower, this stuff will provide a nice diversion to consider while I deal with all the fires needing put out today!!
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Your response to his text was a good one. Let's see how he takes the suggestion.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Me: I will stay in the bedroom. She has been through so much. If this is about support payments, we can negotiate, but don't force this, you will push her away like D19.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
If he responds back again, suggest that he come and visit w/her for a bit and then see how things are going before suggesting to go out to eat. If she declines, then that's on him. He doesn't realize how much things have changed for her and it takes time to rebuild those relationships.
Heather, it's not about the support payments at all. It's about him trying to reconnect w/his daughter, a daughter he walked out on. He's most likely been advised that he needs to start making an effort to visit w/his children because it wouldn't look good in the eyes of the court and he doesn't know what to do, but to push. It won't work and it takes time for your daughter to feel safe around him again.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
over 20 years ago, when my ex-h tried to re-connect with my 2 year old daughter that he hadn't seen in months, it was awful. It was part of our legal agreement that he have supervised visits until she was stable with him again. HE HATED IT, he resisted and kicked and stomped all the way..... He felt like it was about HIM!! He could only see one side and took it as a punishment.
I guess what I am trying to say...is maybe state to Smokey that it isn't about him being a bad parent (even when they are being one), but about the safety net and comfort level of your daughter. Try to find a loving way to explain to Smokey, its not about him.
Good luck
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
