own buz 23:mediation to reconcilliation, PATIENCE!

[makingmagic]

No kidding Bond... If I could "handle" this ... I wouldn't be on this board.

You actually stated that you had some "ideas" on what to do next. I'm pretty sure that what you have given is advice, but not new ideas, like you were suggesting a few threads ago.

I know I am in a different position than where I was a few months ago, or even last month. Things are different with h, now. When I am reading other threads of people who are now piecing, the advice changed when they got to this point.

You are treating me as if I am the same. I am working on THAT. But my situation is now different. I am asking for the same advice that others are getting.

Here is AWESOME advice that I will take for myself (posted on another thread):

"That's awesome, and great job on validating and not trying to force things too quickly! I think too many people get to your point and forget the squirrel analogy and just want to get everything back to what they perceive as "normal" ASAP, so they start applying too much pressure too soon and it pushes the confused WAS right out the door again. But it's not about going back to what was, it's about building a new relationship, and that takes lots of time. It's just like starting a new R with a new person, it has to develop slowly over time. Good luck, very happy for you! "
THIS TOO:

"I totally understand. I would suggest not pressuring her about it, since she suggested MC then just wait for that and let the C work through that with the two of you. It WILL come up, and probably rather quickly. It'll probably be easier for your W to explore that with the C than just with you alone. Until then I would suggest assuming that she is still involved with OM and conduct yourself accordingly (IE, don't let her cake-eat unless she makes it clear that the A is over)."

AND THIS:

"Hey sweetie, guess you heard me whispering in your ear because you did great.

I'm happy for you, You've really grown through this.

Now comes the really hard part. Strap yourself in.

It really is best to let her drive this. Validate when you can, but, dont share too much at this time.

She needs to process all that she is feeling and it's going to be a bit of a rollercoaster for her.

The less pressure from you, the better.

Go real slow. No need to rush. It didnt take a short time for your marriage to get to where it did, it's not going to take a short time to get it to where it could be.

I know that your mind's racing right now. There will continue to be ups and downs. It's a marathon, not a sprint.

Anyway, you'll be too busy continuing to work on you, right?"
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These 3 comments are given and actually encourage the LBS with action steps of what he should be doing next. To be included with more of the same suff of what he has been already doing.

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Busy day today. A few client pick-ups = $$$. Looking forward to tonight. Concert out of town with daughter. Kinda scary for me, just me and her... hopefully the weather will stay clear.