I wouldn't file for D unless I wanted a D. I filed for S, but that was only to protect marital assets, since H was threatening to dispose of one that is very valuable.
I feel like my H actually feels LESS guilty now that I filed, because now he gets to shift the blame on me . . . because *I* filed. It's ludicrous but could just as easily go that way. I don't see how you filing will get you anything more in the D. And it wouldn't be worth it, since you don't want to be D anyway.
Now, I will say that you should use time to your advantage, if he does file. Underdog mentioned it, and it is true that the person who wants to get it done will often give up more to do so. Just something to keep in mind.
But - it doesn't sound like something you need to be thinking about yet.
You will have good days - enjoy them! If you are anything like the rest of us, you will probably be on a roller coaster of emotions for quite some time. So enjoy the good days, and keep them fresh in your mind so that when you have bad days, you can remind yourself that there is hope and happiness out there for you, and you will be OK.
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
I'm not going to file, that just makes the process faster and easier for him. I'd like to think that he will do what is right for the kids financially.
Saw a different counselor today, I like her although her approach to fixing the M is different than DB and not quite sure H would be receptive to it at this point anyway.
As far as the kids she said there is no reason to tell them at this point unless I'm going to give up on M. I think right now I will not tell them. But I will respond to H's email and let him know that it is MY decision as well, take back some of my control!
I told C that for now I just want to work on me, she's a little different than me but I like her.
J
Me-44 (45) H- 50 (51) M-'96
S-18(20)D-15(17)D-12(14)
BD Feb 2014 (he works overseas) home Oct(sep rooms) (EAs possible Pa's unconfirmed) insists wants D through July 2015 no more talk of D since
Not doing as well today....too much time on my hands. Focusing on stuff that doesn't matter.
Something the counselor said really is eating at me tho, one of her concerns is the amount of time we've been apart. He told me he came to this decision in Oct, which means he's had 5 months letting go. I think I've been better the past couple of days because I was more hopeful. He came home after not seeing each other for 7 months, and now has basically cut off communication. Although I want to believe there is hope....it seems hopeless. He's done.
J
Me-44 (45) H- 50 (51) M-'96
S-18(20)D-15(17)D-12(14)
BD Feb 2014 (he works overseas) home Oct(sep rooms) (EAs possible Pa's unconfirmed) insists wants D through July 2015 no more talk of D since
Yes there's hope. You're only 5 months in, MWD says to allow at least a month for every year of M before expecting to see results. That would be 18 months for you. Now that's not a hard-and-fast formula, but MWD's point is these things take MUCH longer to turn around than most people expect. I know of several reconciliations on these forums that were YEARS in the making. When the vets say it takes a lot of patience, they're not kidding!
Thanks! I know I'm being impatient. I haven't even started to work on myself yet so I know I'm being unrealistic...I'm just thinking about my H and how stubborn he is. I like coming on here to journal my thoughts...hopefully some day I will be a success story!
Me-44 (45) H- 50 (51) M-'96
S-18(20)D-15(17)D-12(14)
BD Feb 2014 (he works overseas) home Oct(sep rooms) (EAs possible Pa's unconfirmed) insists wants D through July 2015 no more talk of D since
So today I'm wondering WHY I want to try to make this M work if he really did go to spend the weekend with an OW. I can handle the online part of it and work thru that but can I really stand the thought of him physically being with another woman?
Me-44 (45) H- 50 (51) M-'96
S-18(20)D-15(17)D-12(14)
BD Feb 2014 (he works overseas) home Oct(sep rooms) (EAs possible Pa's unconfirmed) insists wants D through July 2015 no more talk of D since
Going through the same deal this weekend but in reverse my W possible with OM this weekend.
If it is not a deal breaker for you than let it go.
Easier said than done but that is what I have been doing since about Oct.
I thought of the worst thing that could happen, let myself feel it for about 24-48 hrs and then let it go.
I still have weak moments but I have decided I want to stand for my marriage so that is what I need to do.
Me 47/W 34 T 16 M 13 No kids BD 6/2013 W asked that I move out 6/2013 I moved back and W is upset with this 12/2013 separate beds not much talking Served D Complaint 5/2014 W moved out 9/27/2014
TY. Not sure if it's a deal breaker, never thought it would come to this. I guess it's not because if it was I wouldn't be here. Honestly I am not even 100% about the PA. But I sure am wasting my time dwelling on it....grrr!
Got out of the house today for a bit...went shopping! really need to focus on getting out more and exercising too.
J
Me-44 (45) H- 50 (51) M-'96
S-18(20)D-15(17)D-12(14)
BD Feb 2014 (he works overseas) home Oct(sep rooms) (EAs possible Pa's unconfirmed) insists wants D through July 2015 no more talk of D since
really need to focus on getting out more and exercising too.