I just need to check in before I get ready for a really busy day.
Job, I took a longa$$ nap and, then, couldn't sleep. I think I was also worried about today because I need to get the Jeep towed, fixed and I have a houseful of students today. Very busy day. Very and I'm dreading it. Ugh.
CC, thanks for your suggestion. I am familiar with AlAnon. Been a member off and on for 20 years or so. Still find them attractive though!! Damn alkies are just so cute and funny.
I think I attract men who are unavailable and have these problems for many reasons. Just one of the reasons has to do with the fact that having a man give himself to me fully, completely, all in...scares the he!! outta me. And, I'm not convinced I deserve this type of attention from someone who I seem to think is so cool...Almost like, if I really dig someone, then I think he can't possibly love me! Like I don't deserve a really great guy to love me so deeply.
I need to look at this one...
Also, I want to work on this idea that I have to have some deep meaningful, commitment-laden relationship with every guy I meet. One of things that I've enjoyed is how it sorta fell into my lap and I went with it.
I enjoy the Forester's company. I want to be satisfied with that without the pressure for more. Neither one of us in a position for more anyway. I want to be able to date men without pushing so hard for some commitment. I look back and I see how I did this with Smokey. I was afraid to lose him and share him and so I pushed. I think I, partly, enjoy the pursuit, it's challenging to go after a guy who is so unavailable. Like somehow it proves that I really AM desirable if I can get these guys who can't commit to commit. Wow. That's revealing. Like I feel I have to prove I'm all that and then some. See World! I can get so-and-so and tame him because I'm such a sexy fabulous woman.
That's a big reveal.
Throughout this MLC journey, I've learned how I am so pushy and needy because I'm afraid if I don't get some sort of written in stone commitment, then it means the relationship doesn't mean anything?? Or I'm not ok?? Like I still NEED someone. But, I don't.
Anyway, have to shower, this stuff will provide a nice diversion to consider while I deal with all the fires needing put out today!!
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
