Same Song, Different Verse

[StilH2O]

Thanks for the feedback!

Definitely read DR.

Yes I'm right in the middle of reading DR right now. Good stuff.

Do you know whether she is involved with the OM (or another OM)? I know she said she would stop, but do you know if that has actually happened?

Not really sure about this. Upon discovery of the A I told her she had to break it off immediately. She said that she did so on Dec 16. She has also mentioned a few times (to both me and the counselor) that she was not comfortable in the way she had to end it so abruptly. She has been friends with him for a long time and didn't want him to hate her, but she claimed there had been NC.

Then a couple weeks ago we were at a basketball game and I saw a text from OM on her phone. I do not know the content of the message but she claimed he had just texted her the score of a big upset game in college basketball. She said that he had texted her the day before to see if he could call her, just to see if she was alright. She said they had a brief chat on the phone that was purely innocent and that she had no intentions of having further contact with him. Said she felt better about ending things since she knew he was OK.

I told her I needed her to tell him there could be no further contact between them and she said that she would do so next time he attempts to contact her. As of last Saturday, she said she had not issued NC because he had not contacted her again. Not sure why W can't contact him to tell him about the NC, but she said she doesn't see any need to do so as long as he doesn't contact her anymore.

So I would like to believe that she is done with OM but I don't have any proof, and it's not like she hasn't lied before.

What were the issues in your M? What was she carrying around for a long time?

Most of the time when we had arguments, I tried to make sure I won. If things weren't going my way I would say things I knew would hurt her and end the argument right away.

Whether one of us ended up apologizing or neither of us did, she seemed to get over the arguments quickly, even after she had been very upset. Turns out she never got over them and was just storing all the hurt up inside her.

I can't believe how blind I was to how badly this was hurting her.

As for this:

The short time I've been dealing with this seems like an eternity to me and I don't know that I'll be able to hold on for that long.

What choice do you have, really? Make no mistake, DBing is about you being the best you can be, for YOU; it is not about sitting around waiting for your W to change her mind.

Most of the LBSs who have been here a long time are still standing for their Ms, but they have moved forward and created a good life for themselves.

I understand the DB concept. Make the changes for me so I can move forward a better person, with or without her. If she ends up coming back then that just makes it better. I guess my point is that life is short, how long can/should I wait on her to come around before looking for someone else to spend my life with? I'm definitely willing to hold off on that for now, but I don't know if I can make it for several months or years, like some of the posters here.