melissa #999

[25yearsmlc]

Original:

H, thanks for getting back to me on this. Yes, I do have the proposal you sent a while back. Please give me your L's email address and a phone number so my L can get in touch with him/her regarding your proposal. Thanks. M

Modified:

H, thanks for getting back to me on this. Yes, we do have the proposal you sent a while back. I'll have my L get in touch with yours on this. Thanks. M

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Then instruct your L not to contact you until you get back after your vacation. You do not need the distraction at all.

Mel, you're free to do as you see fit and I'm certainly not heavily invested or "married" to my responses above. In fact, I thought said "Might"...


but the issue with what is here^^ is that MAYBE your h will interpret it to mean that your L and his L are actually going to finalize his previous, oh so generous offer...like's its pro forma for you two now. What happens when he gets the unexpected surprise from your L? I don't think he likes your surprises...

I wonder if at least a seed ought to be planted, that MAYBE that's^^ not what will happen. Maybe when another lawyer sees what your h is proposing and doing, the "eye roll" emoticon will have been invented.


But stay calm and be short/sweet. IF he goes ballistic you leave. NO engaging, and no arguing. That's what the L's are for...

[melissag]

I actually think the ambiguity came in the next sentence, where I made it sound like my L had proposed to me.

I'll send H's proposal to my L, even though it will be semi-meaningless since we can't evaluate this stuff in a vacuum.

Tonight's TKD class was great - I did not get paired up with my H, and better yet, I got to (among other things) beat the crap out of a bag with an escrima stick.

For anyone who is looking for a great GAL activity, try out martial arts. But maybe don't do it with your WAS.

[Underdog]

Ourselves means here! I'm all in favor of comic relief at his expense, but only here in the secret clubhouse.

But personally, I think dickwad is too nice. I'd go right to a*hole.

And since you're probably all right, I don't think you can completely eliminate the possibility he's going to be mad. After all, it's your fault you filed, right?

Wish I had thought about martial arts way back when. I just had my big ass Expedition with lots of fantasy scenarios with me running my XH over. As you can probably tell, they stayed a fantasy. Jail doesn't sound like fun...

Now for another incredulous scenario... Do you think the Nugs will ever win again? This game isn't looking so hot, and it's not even 2nd quarter. Thank goodness baseball starts soon.

[melissag]

Ugh. I wish I could just not speak with H. I never know what to say or how to respond, and he soooooo knows how to push my buttons.

I texted him to ask if he wants any more of our NBA tickets, because I get tired of asking him about each individual game. As Betsey mentioned above, the Nuggets are TERRIBLE (though Betsey, we need to talk if you think the Rockies are going to offer any relief) and my H is a bit of a fair weather fan, so I was hoping he would just let me have the rest.

He responded, asking whether I was inviting him to the games, or offering him the tickets for his own use.

I responded, "the latter."

So he said . . .

"OK, just so I'm clear here - the friend thing is off?"

and then,

"I mean, that's fine if that's what you want. I'd just like to be clear on where you stand. We're going to be dealing with each other for the rest of our lives. I'd like to make it as pleasant as possible. "

Ugh. I have no idea how to respond to that. It feels like a minefield. Also, if any part of it is genuine, I couldn't possibly identify which part.

And that ^^^^, right there ^^^, is (among other reasons) why we are not friends.

[melissag]

By the way, it was my H who, a few months ago, told me that he really just didn't like labels. He didn't want to have a label on our relationship at all. Married, divorced, dating . . . why do we need to be put into a box like that? (Oh, and that, going forward, he wanted to be good friends with me, at the very least.)

In retrospect, I think perhaps he just said that so he could have no strings sex with me.

Back to the text tonight. Should I tell him I don't want to put any labels on how I feel about him? A-hole, dickwad, penis breath . . . (bonus points if you can name the movie), why do I have to limit it to just one??

[melissag]

Friend (n): a person whom one knows, likes and trusts.



0 for 3 at the moment.

[Wonka]

Ok...M...how would you respond to H's text with your Wonka-hat on?

BTW, I think it is more like this: M: 3 H: 0

[Wonka]

but the issue with what is here^^ is that MAYBE your h will interpret it to mean that your L and his L are actually going to finalize his previous, oh so generous offer...like's its pro forma for you two now. What happens when he gets the unexpected surprise from your L?

25,

Doesn't Melissa's H already know that she has a L, right? If so, then why should H be surprised at all? And I think it is ABOUT time that he's surprised after all those stunts he's pulled on M? To me, it would be kinda sweet to have this little surprise foisted on H?

[Wonka]

M,

I'll give you a hint about the response part.

No response has its own time and place. When you see stupid, you don't need to respond to H at all. You'll learn how to distinguish those who do need a response and others that do not require a response at all. You got this! Don't let your 'ego' ride roughshod over your inner-Spock!!

[melissag]

Ok...M...how would you respond to H's text with your Wonka-hat on?

BTW, I think it is more like this: M: 3 H: 0

Damn these pop quizzes!!

Ummmm. Let's see. Short and simple and no explaining or defending.

"Yes, the friend thing is off. Have a nice evening."

I don't know. I don't think I need to tell him that I have zero desire to be his friend right now and that if he would like to be my friend, he can earn it, and that my friends treat me with courtesy and respect. Yet, I don't want to lie and say we are friends.

Soooo . . . ummmmmm. I don't know. The dog ate my homework.

Something about how I intend to coparent with him as amicably as possible?

Now he is texting me about the kids. He tells me that D9 has been sleepwalking, and that S7 said today that he feels bad because "you and Mom are splitting up."

And now he said, "it's OK if you want to ignore my text about being friends and respond to the ones about the kids."

Thanks for the permission, H!